


Too Late for Halloween

by AndIMustMask



Series: Monsters in YOUR Neighborhood, News at Eleven [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: But by like two days, F/F, F/M, MONSTERS IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD, News at eleven, Other, So don't freak out, Technically underage I guess?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-14
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2018-01-08 17:23:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 25
Words: 32,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1135385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndIMustMask/pseuds/AndIMustMask
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So John brought me up to speed on what happened last night. ‘Says you really helped me out back there.”</p><p>You feel a blush sweep across your face. “No, I...”</p><p>“So uh, I’m not gonna turn into a werewolf or anything, right?” You don’t miss the tinge of worry in his voice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which This Work Wasn't Properly Set Up for AO3 Yet

**Author's Note:**

> It's Jades birthday! The gang have gotten together and rented a small four-bedroom for two weeks and are spending jade, dave, and rose's big days there (John's is getting an early party on the 2nd while they're here, since it's in between everyone else's).
> 
> There's a few problems though, especially once werewolves (among other things) start getting involved.

You have your friends, good food, and even better drinks. Tonight is great. The four of you are seated in a booth set into the wall, the lights dim beyond the blue and green beams dancing across the floor, out over the club’s interior. Even though the music sounds like a dying cat, the others were enjoying themselves, so you don’t care (much). 

Rose excused herself to the ladies room a few minutes ago, with John keeping an eye on her from the upstairs walkway-slash-secondary-bar-area. Poor guy had no clue about her, and you didn’t have the heart to tell him just yet.

Jade sits across from you, gazing out at the floor. The swell of people sway and gyrate to the music pumped from the speakers spread throughout the club. The air thrummed and cracked at the whim of the DJ, a shadow in his booth, and the people here moved with it.

Seeing the longing in her face, you get up. Those green eyes snap to you and stay there as you motion for her to follow you. The pair of you make your way through the crush of people and you take the lead, moving with the beats that pounded in the air--even if they weren’t half as dope as yours. Jade takes your example and starts dancing as well, and after a few seconds the stiffness starts working itself out of her, grace nesting in its place.

The thought hit you: Jade _was_ graceful. She wasn’t the gangly teenager you’d met years ago and spoken to both before and since. The lot of you weren’t thirteen anymore, and Jade was growing into quite the woman (you supposed Rose was as well, but you’re not going to go there--it'd be like making out with your sister or something). With her dark hair laid out across her shoulders to her lower back, the light blue short dress swaying with her--It pulls something up to your throat that you have to swallow back nervously.

You’re mesmerized as the two of you continue like this for a few tracks. Suddenly there’s a hitch in her moves. Her smile drops and she looks at herself frantically, patting at her clothes. You give her your concerned face as she turns and starts shouldering her way back through the crowd, practically sprinting to the bar once she gets out. Naturally, you’re right behind her.

“You okay there Harley?” You grab the seat on her right, as some Raven casting call reject pulls up to her left with a “Like the motorcycle?”.

You lean back from the bar to get a better look at him with a “Dude do you mind?”, He looks at you like you’d just taken a dump on his leather knee-high boots. The guy leans in to say something to her you don’t catch. You have a feeling she didn’t hear, since she was still sitting there with her eyes closed and a white-knuckled grip on the bar.

“Do you not see her freaking out? Give her some air.” You’re out of the chair now, standing back from her shoulder.

“Then why don’t you _back off_ and give her some room?” He leans in again, and you’ve crossed behind Jade to stand at his back. He glances back and then ignores you.

“Look--” When your hand reaches his shoulder he springs up from the chair, rounding on you.

“What’s your problem?” It’s only when he’s looming over you that you notice tall dark and spooky here has a good three inches on you (and you are by no means short at five-eleven). Obviously he was waiting to make a scene. You’ve seen his type before.

“You can see she’s ignoring you, go creep out someone else.” Squinting theatrically at him behind your shades you add, “And you might wanna hit the bathroom, your mascara’s running.”

 _That_ got him. He shoves you in the chest so you go with it, grabbing his sleeve and pulling him back with you while you turn and sidestep the impact. He stumbles forward as you hook his ankle, sending him sprawling past you as you step back to the bar. The lady working the it looks over at the exchange warily, and you give her a shrug. “Tripped. Guy must be feeling his drinks.”

The other guy picks himself off the ground and levels what has to be his best ‘This isn’t over’ glare before slinking off around the crowds.

You take his seat and lean over to get a better look at Jade, still frozen there like before. You put a hand on her shoulder, “Yo Harley? Harley? Jade?” With no response, you scan the walkways for your dorky friend. He seems to have evaporated, so you message him:

\- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 23:12! -

TG: john  
TG: john  
TG: earth to john  
TG: jade had a bluescreen while dancing is this normal  
TG: yo john you there

\- ectoBiologist [EB] is now an idle chum! -

Stowing your phone you note you have some more company--looks like Marilyn Manson’s wardrobe designer from a minute ago called over some friends. You’ll call them Larry, Moe, and Curly since you don’t care to ask their names. Moe crosses his arms while Larry gives you the usual “Let’s take this outside” routine, and Curly scowls when you turn to the Barkeep and ask they keep an eye on Jade--too many creeps about tonight. After that you follow the gentlemen out into the parking lot.

From there It’s a bit fuzzy: Moe swings on you and you duck under, curling behind him for a spinning elbow to the kidney while Curly and Larry try to grab you. You backhand Larry with your fist and step out of their way while Moe’s still reeling from the hit, Bro’s lessons barking through your head in fast forward:

 _Don’t let them surround you,_ You uppercut Curly in reply to a poorly aimed haymaker, _Get your back some cover,_ stomping down on Moe’s instep as you pull Larry into Curly’s kick, _Fight dirty,_ You elbow Larry in the side of the neck when he tries to get around you, and kick out at Curly, catching him in the side, _Excessive force is just about enough_ \--

At this point a crowd has gathered, not that you noticed.

\--You knee Moe in the face as he tries to tackle you, _if you think they’re cheating it just means you’re underprepared,_ ducking past Curly’s punch you kick him in the groin while keeping him between you and Larry, _be ready to break your opponent,_ Moe you catch with a hook to the jaw, staggering him.

There’s a lull as they draw back a step to recover, and you take stock of the situation: The three of them are still bigger and stronger than you, but Larry is sporting a nasty bruise along his neck and shoulder, Moe’s got a bloody nose and the makings of a black eye, as well as favoring his right leg, and Curly is clutching his side and still walking funny from the earlier nut-shot. 

You’re unhurt, but getting winded. The crowd is about fifteen people in a loose circle, watching the action and jeering.

“We don’t gotta do this guys.” You call over the crowd, “We can go back inside and enjoy the rest of the night.”

The three glower over and Curly shouts “Fuck you!”

“Last chance guys, I really don’t wanna have to call an ambulance for you.”

Larry growls and charges you, followed quickly by the other two, and the dance starts over.  
You do much the same this round, aiming for places like the eyes, throat, armpits, stomach, groin, sides and back of the knees, toes and arches--places that really fucking hurt getting hit or stomped on. They get a few hits in on you though; a punch to your stomach, a bruise you could feel growing on the left side of your face, and a line across your back burned where you’d leaned out of a kick just a hair too slow. 

It wasn’t anything serious until you feel an icy sting across your chest when Moe swung at you. Your jacket and shirt were torn--the fucker had pulled a knife.

The crowd--now at about twenty or twenty-five people--gasped.

From there you weren’t waiting for them to attack first anymore. You kick Larry in the chest and grab Moe’s arm as he stabs at you, slamming your other elbow into his wrist. There's a sick crack and Moe drops the knife with a yelp--you broke his arm. You kick him in the face after he topples to his knees clutching himself, and he falls slack on the ground. 

You turn to the others and get tackled from the side by Curly and slung to the ground after that, with he and Larry kicking and swinging at you while you try to roll away or get space to get up.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where'd your 'shaded southern belle scamper off to now?

You finally get enough of a handle on yourself to open your eyes, to see a distinct lack of Dave and the others. There’s some goth guy on your left who keeps droning to you about something or other, and there’s a drink in front of you. You suspect it’s from this guy since he keeps glancing at it, and the sharp pinch in your nose tells you it’s quite strong.

You leave it, since you’d been told repeatedly by Rose and Dave to avoid drinking anything you haven’t seen prepared or lost track of.

“Where’s Dave?” You turn and ask the goth, interrupting his talk of dark and spooky things--you think Rose might like him. Or she’d try to strangle him, you’re not sure.

“...Who?”

“Coolkid. About yea high--” you motion at about six feet “--blonde hair, wears shades, even in this dark place?” The goth’s jaw tics slightly at the shades comment, so you guess he’d seen him.

He takes a nonchalant air, “I can’t say I have. Seems like an idiot to leave a pretty girl like you by yourself.”

 _Right._ You close your eyes and concentrate on your other senses. The music in the club and the chatter of people crash over you as you try to raise your hearing, so you tune that out and concentrate on your nose, breathing deeply. 

Sweat, fabrics of all kinds, smoke (both tobacco and pot), vomit, alcohol, far too much perfume and aftershave together forms a heady bouquet of this place’s essence. You take your time and browse through them, feeling around for Dave’s unique combination of sweat, soaps, foods, and clothing.

You catch a wisp of it on your arm; he’d probably touched you while you were zoning out. You take it and memorize it, searching for more of it to lead you to the source. 

You open your eyes and follow your nose: A pool of it behind you, buried under those of people who’d crossed to and from the bar to the floor, then a thin stream of it towards the door--it seems he’d headed outside, since the path leading into the dancefloor was completely subsumed by the sheer number and variety of odors trampling across it.

You get up and follow the trail to the door, leaving the goth to talk to himself. It leads you through the door, and out into the parking lot to be mixed with more smoke, motor oil, more vomit, and blood--his blood.

Your senses shoot into high alert as you catch his scent in the midst of a surging mass of people near the dumpster. You sprint across the lot and shove our way through to see Dave’s curled form on the ground with two men standing over him, panting, and a third on the ground unconscious a small ways away, his arm laying at the wrong angle.

Your vision turns

**_RED_ **

\- - - - - - - - - -

Rose has been in the bathroom for the greater part of fifteen minutes, and you’re starting to get a little concerned for her.

You wonder what Dave and Jade are up to.

\- - - - - - - - - -

Holy shit do these guys love stomping your ass into the ground. From what you can tell, you haven’t broken anything yet, but you’re gonna be more bruise than person come tomorrow morning.

The two pause as you hear _something_ tear through the night air--actually tearing is pretty spot-on, since it sounds like someone rending sheet metal with bare hands made of broken glass and tigers inside of a jet engine.

You open your eyes a crack as Larry or Curly, you don’t remember, goes flying over you into the concrete barrier that leads into the fence surrounding the lot. There’s a “Holy _shit_!” from someone in the crowd, and the other guy crumples from a kick to the gut.

Then you see her. Jade Harley, in all her eighteen-in-an-hour-or-so glory, just trashed two dudes you were getting your shit kicked in by. ~~_Poor Dave. Always the Squire, never the Knight._~~

Her hair was wild from the blur of motion, her brow furrowed, and while you hadn’t noticed before now, the girl had some wicked chompers. If those two weren’t unconscious or worse right now, they’d be pissing themselves or running from the straight _fury_ she was spitting at them.

The inane voice in the back of your head notes that you’re not sure how she was making that noise, but it couldn’t be good for her throat. The fact that her eyes were practically glowing in the streetlamp’s wan light, like someone was burning copper sulfate in her skull, only added to the effect; the girl looked like something out of this world--or beyond it. 

She turns to glare at the crowd: They disperse in various speeds and states of terror.

Except for one.

You relaxed out of the ball you’d folded into and turn onto your back, putting The Goth from the bar in your full view. He struts up like he owns you, this joint, and the rest of the city.

“It seems there’s more to you than just looks, miss Harley.”

The grating noise in her throat lowered a notch but continued. What, did she not like this guy? You applaud her standards in your head while you work on getting to your feet.

He notices something with Jade and stops his approach, wagging his finger at her. “You can’t put on a show out here. Far too many who might see.” Her growling stopped, but she looks about ready to kick this guy’s teeth in.

“You’re--”

“Yes.” He looks past her to the three downed thugs, then to you, “I’d have hoped they would have removed this pest earlier.”

While you’re upright now, the aches across your body say you’re not going to be for long, and you’re not going to enjoy it. The slash across your chest is bleeding sluggishly, but you’ve dealt with worse training with Bro.

You start to wonder at his statement when he’s suddenly on you--He’d crossed the fifteen feet between you in a blink, and it feels like your guts are pushed out your back as he plows his fist into your stomach. The blow lifts you off the ground and drops you a good four feet back, where you collapse to your knees, with your face on the ground and your arms clutching your chest.

Your senses shout _Move!_ in time for you to push yourself over and out of the way of his following stomp, and you’re given a quick reprieve as you see Jade bodily hurl herself at him, laying into him with punches and swipes of her nails.

He stumbles to the side where she smashes into him, while you try and regain your footing.

Your vision is swimming and too-bright, and there’s an odd pulse to it--you’ve got a feeling that something important got fucked up a second ago, though telling where exactly is hard since your whole body is a writhing ball of agony right now. Jade is doing great until the goth gets his bearings and backhands her into the dumpster. You see it dent where she collides with it.

The world slows to a crawl when your brain decides “Oh well _fuck_ this guy” and the adrenaline kicks in, leaving your vision clear and the pain in your limbs a muted ghost in the background, leaving you for now but with the promise that it’ll haunt your ass later.

You tackle him while his back is turned from his attack on Jade, planting a knee in his lower back, the other at his shoulder, and both arms wrapped around his neck. You ratchet your arm tight and squeeze, cutting off his air and blood to the brain. From the ground he makes a growl like Jade’s earlier, swiping at you with his unpinned arm.

Ten seconds later he’s still going as he shoves himself over onto his back, freeing his other arm. You change tactics and drive your knee from his shoulder to his other kidney and haul back, curling both of you off the asphalt as he claws at your arms and head.

Another ten and he starts to flag a bit, which isn’t really saying much since his thrashing is banging your head and shoulders against the pavement repeatedly. Black tendrils start playing at the edges of your vision as this goes on, but you keep your hold, elbows creaking from the strain.

Thirty seconds later and he’s panting thinly, strength all but gone. He flails weakly and his face is turning an amusing shade of purple under his makeup.

He’s finally unconscious after a solid minute of choking him out, and you keep your hold for another twenty or so to make sure he’s not just fucking with you. 

Jade’s up and stumbling her way back over to you, and you sigh in relief as the darkness takes you, your mind tumbling down into the blackness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jade saves the day, and then Dave does, and tongue-baths are given.

Dave collapses after seeing you, his head lolling back. You see his shirt is drenched with blood once you drag the other guy off him.

Shaking the dizziness from earlier off, you lose track of yourself.

You’re in a car now, Dave draped across your lap and the seat, the window between you and the driver saying it’s a taxi. The driver’s going as fast as he can without crashing--your wallet is missing, and you suspect you just threw it at him and rattled off an address while you weren’t in control of yourself. 

It could be worse; you could have mauled the driver or tried to take Dave home on foot, so at least Other You isn’t suicidally stupid.

Why hadn’t you just called an ambulance instead? _Not fast enough. Dave will die go faster go go go--_

You lose track of yourself again.

You’re in the house. After a sigh of relief that your other half had at least given your own address (or rather, that of the place you’re splitting with the others for part of the winter) to the cab driver, and find Dave still draped over your lap, but the change of setting is jarring: you have an unconscious and bleeding Dave Strider on your bed. _Fix him._

How would you even do that? You’re not a doctor. Ugh, you should have called 911 or something to help hi-- _not fast enough Dave will die fix him do it hurry_ \--shut up for a second! Do what? _fix him fix him FIX HIM_

You feel a flash of... something and go with it, letting your mind take the backseat while your body does whatever the hell it’s trying to do. You really hope Dave will be alright.

You’re immediately worried when you rip his shirt off.

\- - - - - - - - - -

You make your way back to the bar as a taxi goes roaring out of the parking lot. You feel bad for sneaking out on your friends--at one of the few gatherings you get to have with them, no less--but it was of dire import, and you’re certain they’d understand. Not that you can tell them why, but you’re sure all the same.

It was an odd night when you had to sneak out the bathroom window of a seedy club to go save your girlfriend from monsters, especially when she _is_ a monster. You’re going to have a word with Karkat about proper thrall services--in the _morning_ , because you know he’ll quite enjoy such a lecture sleep-deprived. Such revenge would be small, but it pales to the subject behind it; if his dalliances put her in danger again, he’ll have you to answer to.

You circle the building to find your earlier point of egress closed and locked. Damn. 

Now, how to get back into the bathroom without John noticing you.

\- - - - - - - - - -

With Dave’s shirt discarded, you get a good look at the damage; he’s deathly pale, breaths coming thin and quick. There’s a cut across his chest, starting at the middle of his ribcage on the left and going up and across to his right side, just below his nipple. Thankfully it doesn’t look too deep, but the blood is still worrying to see. His forearms are bleeding as well, and there are claw marks across his face and neck. Beyond those he’s absolutely covered in bruises--and below those--scars.

He has almost a patchwork of them across his torso, collar, and upper arms, some small and jagged, but many of them long and clean. Your body sets to work, with you staring out the back of your eyes as your body leans in on its own.

If you thought his scent was heavy in the cab, it was nothing compared to the taste of him.

You feel a blush creep up your neck as you start licking his wounds, starting with the cut using long, broad drags of your tongue. After the metallic tang of blood is gone there, you lash your way across his arms, starting at the backs of his hands and trailing all the way up to his shoulder. You lean back, taking a moment to double-check your work before moving to lap at his bruises.

You’ve gotta say, you are _thorough_. After the bruises are covered to your liking you move on to his scars, tracing them with the tip of your tongue. You then move to the rest of his torso, up his neck, to his jaw, his face, his lips. If someone were to see this, they’d not notice our ~~hunger~~ urgency. They’d also have to hide your corpse after you _died of embarrassment_.

It’s an odd feeling when half of you thinks you’re a creep for not taking Dave to a doctor, while the other half is having a hard time not nibbling those _yummy looking abs_. Even beaten half to death, Dave Strider is quite an eyeful.

When your hands start working on his fly, your blush ascends to its final form. You must look like a neon sign right now--you certainly feel like one, with everything from your collarbones up tingling with ~~excitement~~ self-consciousness. You notice while your hands tug him out of his jeans that his breathing has gotten stronger and more even. 

His legs match the rest of him, bruised and scarred, but thankfully nothing bleeding.

_God this scent is intoxicating._

His breath hitches as your tongue passes over his hipbone. Your ministrations seem to be having an effect: for one, his chest wound isn’t bleeding anymore, and you’re presented with a rather _large_ issue straining against Dave’s boxers. That can’t be comfortable. It certainly doesn't leave much to the imagination either. 

Your hands start for the hem of his boxers before you clamp down on that impulse-- _You are not going to molest Dave Strider!_

_...beyond what you’ve done already! It’s for his own good. You think._

This leaves you with a conundrum: you’re sitting here straddling one of your best friends while he’s out cold and in his boxers, smelling entirely too juicy for his own good. 

His breathing is heavy and his face is flushed, though you’re hardly better off yourself after having dragged your tongue over almost every inch of a prime example of male fitness, and the taste of him is taking up about ninety-eight percent of your headspace. You’re not going to talk about what the other two percent is thinking.

You don’t want to take this too far--Dave is your friend, and without him being here (well, he’s here, but not _here_ -here) to agree to this in the first place, you feel disgusted about how far you’ve gotten carried away. What if he doesn’t like you like this? You’re not even sure how _you_ feel about this ~~other than good~~ shut up.

Thinking about it, you know you’re right. Stopping now would be best (minutes ago would have been better), since whatever you did seems to be effective enough that he’s not bleeding to death in your room and his skin is getting back to its usual color. You prop him up on your pillows and pull a sheet and comforter up to his collar to keep the chill away. You chuckle anxiously at his boner tenting them.

You exit the room quietly to fix yourself a glass of water; licking someone for--you check your phone--half an hour is thirsty work. Who knew? You pop a plate of leftover chicken into the microwave to reheat as well.

Anyway, John and Rose are probably worried about you guys, so you message Rose:

\- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 23:56! -

GG: hi rose!

After a short pause you receive a reply,

TT: Hello Jade.  
GG: sorry we disappeared on you guys  
GG: dave wasn’t feeling too good so we caught a taxi home!  
TT: I’ll be sure to let John know.  
TT: He’s been running through the bar looking for the both of you.  
GG: i hope he isn’t too worried…..  
GG: so what are you up to over there?  
TT: The usual; underage drinking, loud music, strange men offering to whisk me off my betentacled little feet, John shooing strange men away in a quaint display of chivalry.  
GG: how sweet of him!  
TT: Yes, I will have to get him something suitably charming to repay him.  
GG: :)

The tinny beep in the kitchen alerts you that food is done.

GG: oh!  
GG: microwave is going off…..  
TT: You had best not keep it waiting then.  
GG: alright, i’ll message you later??  
TT: No need, John and I should be coming home shortly.  
TT: There’s little point to a birthday party when the recipient isn’t there.  
GG: sorry!  
TT: It’s no trouble.  
TT: We’ll see you then, Jade.

\- tentacleTherapist [TT] has ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] - 

You retrieve your plate from the machine and take a seat at the table before tearing into it like a girl possessed. You’ve had too many close calls tonight, and it really takes it out of you to go all wolfy at people.

Your phone chimes ‘Happy Birthday to You’ as the clock ticks over to midnight. You cut it off with a small smile and finish your food, washing your hands and setting the plate and glass in the sink when you’re done. You head back upstairs to check on Dave.

You find him just as you left him, tucked into your bed and breathing softly. _He's_ also thankfully calmed down.

There's an urge that nags at the back of your mind, and for once you don’t argue with it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fitful awakening, and BREAKFAST!

You regain consciousness and you’re suffocating. You clamor to get up to find that isn’t the greatest idea--your back feels like someone decided to hammer steel on it. You struggle against your restraints to find them only blankets, the shroud across your face only hair; long, dark… Okay how did you end up in Jade’s room, why are you in your boxers, and why’s she stuck to you? You remember getting the shit beat out of you and choking out the goth from the bar, but everything after that’s a blur.

You take a minute to survey your surroundings, since you never really go in here. It seems to be just a regular room: a bed tucked into the corner, a bookshelf and desk, a dresser, a closet on the far wall, and clothes, plushes, and half-finished projects of hers strewn everywhere. Your shades we’re folded and set on the side table next to the headboard, though you couldn’t see your clothes.

You can’t really get up with your back like this, and an attempt to roll over was met with screaming protest from your shoulder, so you lay back and try to sleep some more.

\- - - - - - - - - - 

You get up that morning and everything is great. Sitting up, you look over at Dave, still sleeping peacefully. As you shift your weight to get out of bed you hear a groan in his chest. he flinches as a pained expression crosses his face, and it hits you. You mentally smack yourself--you forgot to get his back! 

There’s a moment of irritation at yourself before you sigh in disgust. _Too preoccupied ~~jumping him~~ not jumping him to remember to turn him over. Great job there, Jade._

 _Gently_ levering yourself off the bed, you tiptoe out of the room in search of some fresh clothes for him.

You sweep through the house to the rooms downstairs, pushing the door to Dave’s room open before making your way in and you’re lost. _He’s everywhere in here oh christ you can’t_ You lose track of yourself.

Next you’re in the middle of the room and his things are… surprisingly untouched. You check your phone to check the time and holy _crap_ you’ve been in here a half hour smelling things.

You dart across the room and grab the first shirt and pair of pants you find in the closet before hastily leaving. Dave’s gone when you reach your room. A spike of worry jams into your spine before you hear a clatter and hushed cursing downstairs. 

You find Dave in the kitchen with a frying pan and bottle of orange juice in hand, a bowl and the container of flour set on the counter.

“What are you trying to make?“ You ask, pretending not to notice his slight start at your voice.

He glances between his hands and you before quickly responding “Cereal.”

You raise an eyebrow before crossing the room, motioning to the pan in his hand. He relinquishes it gladly before taking a chair at the table and slouching into it. You act like you don’t see him wince. 

Returning the implements he’s taken out other than the bowl, adding another next to it, and then retrieving the cereal from the top of the fridge and the milk from inside it. You pour out two bowls and stow the ingredients again, taking them to the table and a waiting Dave. You grab a couple of spoons and glasses afterward, setting them at the table and sliding them across for him; let him at least do something to salvage some pride here.

He fills them with orange juice and hands you your glass before setting the bottle aside and digging into his cereal like a starving man. He gives a garbled “compliments to the chef” between bites which you ignore, tending to your own food.

John sweeps his way into the kitchen with a light ‘Hey guys’ as he sets about making a breakfast of his own. The light swishing of clothes, clank of metal, and crinkle of plastic of John at work becomes a backdrop of sorts while you and Dave eat. 

You see Dave crack the smallest of smiles before you hear _it_. That glorious sound, that exultant cry of the heavens and to stomachs alike--

The sharp hiss of bacon hitting a hot skillet. 

You would kiss him if he weren’t your brother (of sorts; grandpa told you it was more complicated than that, but never really went into it), and when the smell hits you you’re hard pressed not to do it anyway. _Ugh. Show a girl a little meat and she’s your best friend_ no shut up brain this is a great morning. When the bouquet of the kitchen suddenly deepens with several more scents and light hisses, you stop to look.

You’re met with John’s back, a culinary hurricane between the stove and counters, giving you glimpses into this breakfasty wonderland. The bacon has been joined by maple sausage and peppers and onions sauteing in their own juices and bacon fat, a pan beside it has scrambled eggs mixing with diced ham with cheeses. 

There’s also seasoned hash browns above that in a smaller pan, with a pot of grits taking the fourth eye on the stovetop. You see him add a few pinches of whatever he’s pulled from the pantry--you can’t pick it out with this aromatic orgy he’s creating.

He turns from one to the other, stirring here, checking the consistency there, before deeming the meaty skillet finished and setting it aside on a wire rack. He then sets out another pan and gets to work with a bowl and whisk you hadn’t seen him produce.  
Once mixed he puts the bowl aside and tends to the other pans, pulling the eggs and hash browns off the eye and over to the rack and stirring the grits.

He pulls out a baking sheet and gives it a light coating of shortening, then uses a large spoon to drop dollops of the bowled mixture onto it. He slides the pan into the oven--now preheated--and the bowl into the sink to soak.

John then pulls out the serving plates and lids, transferring the various pots and pans to them (the grits he simply lids the pot and sets alongside the others) before crossing the kitchen and setting them at the table.

You and Dave follow the plates with rapt attention. John’s stern look keeps the both of you from diving into it.

“Not ‘till the biscuits are done.”

You both groan until he points out your neglected cereal, which you return to grudgingly.

Cooking mostly finished, John takes a seat while you and Dave finish off your bowls, making small talk of the previous evening. After a few minutes of chatting there’s a yell from above you, but you hear Rose’s feet on the stairs and she storms in shortly after.

The smell of breakfast and fresh biscuits hits her about the same time as the sight of her friends. Her furrowed brow eases, and the cold set of her lips thaws into a soft almost-smile. She takes the remaining seat next to dave and relaxes. 

John springs from the chair and takes the drop biscuits from the oven, sliding them onto another plate and setting it at the table with the others. Your pouting gaze is met with a small chuckle.

“Dig in everybody.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wordage for the cooking scene--it seems I get really descriptive when it comes to food.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave looks a gift horse in the mouth, and more BREAKFAST.
> 
> (this one's a little short, sorry!)

You waste no time serving yourself a plate, Jade hot on your heels to do the same. Rose lets you two fight a bit before filling hers while John pours her and himself a glass of OJ.

The two of you tear into the food with gusto--you’re surprised; you don’t remember running any marathons last night, but when you’d started on the earlier bowl of cereal you’d realized you were _starving_. It helps that Egbert is apparently a _god_ in the kitchen, and this stuff is tasty as hell--people could trade this shit as currency. Wage war over it, even. The Egbertian dollar would be responsible for WWIII and the end of life as we know it.

Yeah you’re kinda reaching at this point but you don’t particularly care for much other than getting this glorious meal into your stomach as soon as possible.

Jade seems to have the same idea, digging into hers like a ravenous animal.

You pile some of everything onto half a biscuit and cap it with the crumbly top half and scarf that down, savoring the mixture of flavors and textures on your tongue. Rose takes the two of you in with a wry crook of her lips that you read as _of course you two would be hungry cryptic titter_. 

Please, it was just a completely normal post-assbeating night of sharing the covers--it’s damn cold this time of year, it makes sense one of your best bros would snuggle in with you. You won’t talk about how finding Jade wrapped around you in her nightclothes, all light breaths and soft smiles in her sleep, had made you feel.

You are completely sure you didn’t do anything incredibly stupid and/or inappropriate with Jade last night.

That you can remember. 

As the bustle of you all gorging on Egbert’s cooking wound to a close, the small talk began; first of the news report from Rose’s phone, then of Jade’s thought’s on the party last night, and finally to what transpired between you two disappearing and John and Rose’s return home.

“I picked a fight and Jade dragged me back home after I passed out.”

Jade was quick to interject, “And nothing else!” Her shifty look under your combined gazes only intensified, and raised more questions in your head.

Thinking back to the previous night; you remember the parking lot, fighting those three guys, Jade saving your sorry ass, and then the goth deciding to reveal he was secretly Bruce Lee in The Crow cosplay the whole time. John would later tell you that Bruce Lee’s son was the lead actor for The Crow, and you wouldn’t care.

Past that is darkness, but you really feel you should remember it. Or shouldn’t, since you got _really fucked up_ back ther--

Your usual mask pulls into the slightest frown as it strikes you: you actually aren’t all that messed up. taking inventory of your boo-boos you feel that other than your back you felt pretty damn great. You couldn’t see any cuts or bruises on your arms or hands, and there wasn’t even a twinge from your chest where you _know_ that fucker cut you.

_What the hell did you miss last night?_

A ghost of vertigo passes through you. “I’m gonna take a shower.” 

“Oh, but we were starting to appreciate your change in cologne.” Rose replies with a cock of her eyebrow and an upturn of her lip. Now that she mentions it, at least you smell like someone chewed you up and spat you out, so that much is correct.

You mumble your thanks for the food, standing to take your dishes to the sink. As you pass jade on the way out she hands you a shirt and pair of pants--you’d noticed them in her chair when she was getting the cereal, but hadn’t thought to grab them at the time. At least everyone had let your shirtlessness slide, although it probably wasn’t helping whatever mental screenplay they’d made up for last night.

You give her a nod and stalk out of the kitchen with your usual grace and skill this time of day, meaning you stub your toe at the bottom of the stairs and almost trip at the top.

A hot shower is sounding better every second.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade stews a bit while Dave is brought up to speed.
> 
> (longer than the previous chapter)

Once Dave was safely out of earshot, the interrogation began.

“So, Jade.” Rose broke the silence, sounding both curious and accusatory at the same time. John was also watching you as well, “What exactly happened last night?”

“Nothing terrible.” Wow this table is interesting.

“ _Jade._ ” From the set of her jaw it seemed Rose wasn’t going to take any of your cagey bullshit, so you drop it and tell them.

“There was almost an, an _accident_ out on the floor with Dave--” You give John a meaningful look that you can tell the blonde notes and tucks away for later, “--so I went to the bar to cool off. When I calmed down, Dave wasn’t there. I went and found him outside getting attacked by some guys!”

John seemed to get an inkling of where this was going.

“You didn’t do anything dangerous, did you?”

“No _mom_ , I _politely_ asked them to leave him alone before I called the police, since there was a crowd of people there to back up my story. Once they left I called a cab and took Dave home for some first aid, then let him sleep it off.”

If John didn’t believe you he didn’t show it. Rose seemed skeptical, but any further questions are cut off as her phone belts a tune into the morning air. She answers it almost instantly, with John holding back a laugh.

After she leaves the room John reels backwards, giggling and guffawing. You look at him like he’s insane.

“Vampire killer--you know, from Castlevania?”

“What about it?”

“Well it’s--” He catches himself “You’ll see later.” He takes a breath to collect himself, “Alright, what _really_ happened back there?”

“I got carried away dancing and almost sprouted a tail, and there was less asking nicely and more throwing into fences?”

John gives a long-suffering sigh, “Jade, you know you can’t--”

“Shut up, I didn’t _actually_ change or anything, and I just scared off the crowd and took him home after--wait, are there any others like me in the city?” John is unfazed by your sudden change in topic.

“I’m supposed to be meeting the local heads for Dad tonight, so probably? Why?” 

“There was this guy at the bar, he was hitting on me. He came out after I scared off the other guys and attacked Dave.”

“Woah, what for?”

“Over me, from the sound of it. Anyway, he messed up Dave really bad. I stepped in and got stunned when he threw me into a dumpster.” John stifled a chuckle, motioning for you to continue. ”I came around as Dave had him in a headlock. The guy passed out and we booked it back home.”

“I’ll keep an eye out then. What’d he look like?”

“Tall, dark hair, loves black and makeup. Really pushy, too.” 

“I’m sure he’ll stand out then.” John’s voice was dripping with sarcasm. You see him consider something before adding, “I’m going to borrow Dave for lunch today.”

Your questioning noise is met with “If he’s going to get mixed up with this kinda stuff, I should at least make sure he’s aware. We both know what’ll happen if he’s not prepared in the future.”

“Speaking of which: the whole meetup thing is going on at this big fancy party, I was wondering if you and Dave wanted to come so I’m not the only one embarrassing myself there.”

“You forgot Rose.”

John cracks a wicked grin, “Actually she’s already been invited--just not by me. Don’t worry about it; it should be a great night!”

\- - - - - - - - -

The day passed quickly after that: John took Dave out for his crash course in monster mythology, and to pick up a nice suit for this evening. Dave, fresh out of the shower _smelled delectable_ shut UP was far too relaxed to argue too much, finding himself herded out to the car. 

Rose finished her call, made another, and was picked up by a black sedan about fifteen minutes later after some apologizing about leaving you on your birthday, which you forgave and sent her on her way.

Now you’ve got the house all to yourself, so you can finally _relax_.

\- - - - - - - - - -

“Man, she let you crash in her room.” John commented amicably.

“Yeah what about it?” The blonde boy’s eyebrow raised a fraction above his aviators.

“Like, her actual room. With her stuff in it. While she was there.”

“Far as I could tell, yeah. It’s not a big deal man.”

“Not a--It’s a huge deal! You were in her _territory_! That’s not a thing you just do, Dave.” All manic energy now, his dark hair jostled as he flailed his hands about, trying to get his point across.

“It’s not like she had me there by choice.” There was a shrug in the blonde’s voice, though his body didn’t follow it. “Don’t worry John, my purity is safe from Jade’s wiles. Got that shit so locked down that fort knox is lookin’ at it and contemplating ritual suicide out of sheer jealousy.”

“No you don’t get it. You could’ve been out on the couch or in your room or even the the yard and still been fine.” He stopped suddenly, unsure how he felt of the implications of his sister’s choice. Dave had no idea, and John wasn’t sure if that made it better or worse.

\- - - - - - - - - -

Now dressed _much_ more comfortably, you paced the hallway again, still stewing about the previous evening. You can’t go into your room right now, with it so steeped in his scent mixed with yours--even walking near it was an olfactory slap in the face. 

You _had_ him, and let the chance slip by. Everything had been perfect! He’d defended you with his life. You woke with him in your arms, and you in his. The fact that nothing had come about from it was driving you batty! 

Well, half of you.

After the ride from the bar it took a more control than you wanted to admit to stop from simply throwing him down on the lawn and taking him there, regardless of whether or not the taxi had left at that point. 

Even during the drive your hands were clenched in the sides of your dress to keep them off of him. You’d catch hell from Mr. Egbert if you did, but his stern fatherly disapproval would be an easy price to pay. 

Though, for all your “romantic” grandeur in your head you were too busy making sure he was okay, while he was busy bleeding all over your room.

Realistically you knew there wasn’t much you could’ve done with him so beat up. The other side of you still howled it’s mantra of STUPID STUPID DUMB. It doesn’t help that you’ve still got what feels like a volcano in your torso. You’d been boiling almost constantly today, and having him about isn’t helping any.

But it’s fine. You’ll leave things to John for now, because if you’re not careful, you might really screw up and scare Dave off--or worse, hurt him. The thought of losing one of your few dear friends over something so selfish pains you more than you’d like to admit. 

\- - - - - - - - - -

“Uh-huh.” It was your turn to deadpan. The way he was going on, it was getting hard to tell if John was bullshitting you or if he actually believed what he was saying. Who’d’ve thought that spending his adolescent years pranking people had made him such a good actor?

John, noting your lack of attention, sighs lightly and holds his hands up. “Alright, I can see you’re not listening at this point, so lets just finish eating, alright?”

You held the ensuing silence for a half-second more than necessary (let him sweat), before shrugging and continuing your decimation of the fries on the shitty McDonalds tray between you.

\- - - - - - - - - -

You heard the car pull into the driveway, and the second scuff of shoes on gravel and closed door made you giddy--When John went to unlock the door, he rang the doorbell twice; the signal for “mundanes along, there’d better not be any giant animals prancing around”, your hopes dropped somewhat.

It takes you a minute in the bathroom to calm down enough to get your ears back to their proper places and the tail to melt back into your spine, with John distracting Dave with chatter of new things he’d found on the internet or setting himself up for Dave to go on a tangent about music or various dead things. 

You use the opportunity to give yourself a once-over in the mirror, running your fingers through your hair and working out most of the horrible snarls in it (you’d found long ago that brushing it was a lost cause since shifting only mussed it up again), making sure your teeth were clean and your breath was alright, then washing your face.

After the third time you’d washed your face someone knocked, “You fall in in there?” John calls through the door, a chuckle in his voice.

You don’t dignify him with a response. Taking your time, you dry off and exit the bathroom with your primmest expression. He falls in behind you as you go downstairs to the living room, giving you a slight nudge when you stop dead for a beat as Dave’s scent hits you afresh.

“Don’t go up there for a while if you value your nose, man.” The glare you level at John could strip the paint from the walls. Dave shrugs slightly and returns to their game. You could tell he was apprehensive about something, and dreaded what it might be.

“I’ll throw a snack together, you two want anything to drink?” After a quiet “no thanks” from you and a “Tea” from Dave, John ambles across the room, pushing through the swinging door and disappearing into the kitchen.

While the clank of pans starts up in the kitchen, you realized he’d left you and Dave by yourselves in here. You weren’t sure whether to tank him or strangle him, since it left you sitting here basking in _Odeur de Strider_ with nothing to do about it. 

Taking deep breaths to try and relax only made it worse, since he was sitting _right there_. And you were starting to feel creepy, sitting and staring a hole through the back of his head.

The two of you sit in oppressive silence for a good five minutes before Dave finishes the stage and sets the controller down.

“So John filled me a little on what happened last night. ‘Says you really helped me out back there.”

You feel a blush spread across your face, “No, I...”

“So uh, I’m not gonna turn into a werewolf or anything, right?” You don’t miss the tinge of worry in his voice.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which exposition is made, and Dave is surprisingly quiet.

It took time to find the right words to explain to Dave what you are. While modern fiction brings the name to mind easily, it paints a horrible picture when you’re trying to _avoid_ making your friends terrified of you.

You‘re a werewolf. Other common terms were “lycanthrope” or “lycan”, “grue”, “loup-garou”, among others. 

After a deep breath you laid out the ground rules: No you don’t eat people (it was important that you said that one first)--others might, but more out of sick sport than a need. It’s frowned upon the same way murder is, since its a real easy way to get yourself and werewolves at large discovered and killed. _~~not that he wouldn’t be scrumptious~~ dammit you knock that off this instant_

No he wasn’t going to turn into a werewolf. Grandpa had told you that changing someone over was possible, but it was a long and complicated process that he didn’t elaborate on. If it were as simple as bite there’d be a lot more werewolves running around than the few clans you were told about.

Yes the moon affects you, though not as extreme or violently as movies would tell you. It made it easier to change and more difficult to change back (or the inverse), depending on the moon’s phase.

No you don’t turn into a slavering berserker like in the movies. For the most part you’re still you, just less… restrained. 

The whole “silver” thing is a myth. You’re not weak to or allergic to silver--it’s just a metal. If you wanted to hurt one regular bullets would work just fine.

Your senses are sharper than an average human’s, and get better the more you change, but that isn’t necessarily a good thing since it makes you sensitive to light, sound, and some smells--pepper spray won’t kill you, but it’ll make you wish it had.

You gradually run out of things to say as Dave sits there silently.

“I, uh.” You swallow past a nervous lump in your throat. ”I could prove it if you want.” The small shake of his head belied his uneasiness, making your hopes plummet.

Thankfully John returned while you floundered for something, _anything_ to ease the awkward silence that had settled firmly into the air after that.

“It’s a lot to take in, isn’t it?” John gave the other boy a good-natured pat on the shoulder before setting down a tray of sandwiches.

Dave turned to him, “So how about you? Are you one too?”

“Nope! One-hundred percent human. Though I’m hardly _normal_ either.” He gives a small wink as he turns and lopes back into the kitchen, a light breeze sweeping across the room from nowhere. He returns with his and your drinks as well as a soda for Dave who accepts it without a word. “My family just makes sure people who aren’t supposed to know about stuff like this don’t find out.”

“So what happens now?” Dave’s hands tighten on his can a fraction.

“Well _obviously_ since you’ve found out we’ll have to kill y--”

You slap John’s arm as you find your voice again, “That's not funny." You turn back to Dave, "Nothing, honestly. I’m still the same person you’ve hung out with since we were kids. I just,” you swallow, “I didn’t want to keep things a secret from you anymore.”

“What about Rose? Does she know about any of this?”

“She doesn’t know about me, no. I was planning to tell her after the party tonight.” You’re unsure how she’ll take the news as well, but that’s a worry for later. Dave sits quietly for a few minutes, taking the occasional drink from his can. John helps himself to a sandwich, as do you. You can feel Dave’s eyes on you while you eat.

The three of you sit there in relative quiet until John finishes his food and starts telling Dave about the party. You take the opportunity to excuse yourself.

You’ll just take a shower and mull over the fact that you probably just ruined everything.

\- - - - - - - - - -

You appreciate Egbert being there to keep you distracted from the ~~werewolf~~ elephant in the room, but you’re kinda busy feeling like a total douchebag right now. 

\- - - - - - - - - -

Standing in the steamy spray, you let the hot water force you to relax, in body at least. You let your mind take a backseat for a while as you follow through your usual routine.

_ah, finally!_

After a few deep breaths you relax your hold on your form, gradually changing back to the most comfortable for you: your ears lengthen to a point and shift vertically a little to peek out of your wet hair, swathed in velvety almost-white fur. the room’s sound deepens quickly, changing the shower’s hiss into a dull roar that filled your senses. 

A shiver runs down your spine as the gradual pulling sensation at your tailbone increases to an ache that wasn’t quite uncomfortable, like popping your back or neck, as your tail extends and fills out. You roll your hips as your tail swishes to and fro to relieve the built pressure. 

After a hollow pop and a sigh you finally feel like yourself again.

You’ve always liked this form. It gave your other half a bit of room to stretch her proverbial legs without stretching _you_ as well. While the sensations of a the change were muted, hearing your bones crack and muscles tear to rearrange themselves always made you queasy.

Speaking of which, you take a moment under the shower to work out the kinks in your back and shoulders you acquired last night before reaching for the shampoo.

\- - - - - - - - - -

“Hello Rose, It’s good to speak with you again.” The feminine voice sounded just short of a purr on the other end of the phone.

“Kanaya. I hope you’re doing alright after last evening’s debacle?” A mixture of a sigh and growl reverberated from the front seat, Karkat expressing his distaste at you bringing his little slip-up to light again.

“More than fine I assure you. Will you be able to accept my invitation to the ball this evening?”

“Yes. I’ve had a word with the others--” _Well, John really, but you know the others will understand._ “--my schedule for tonight is open.”

“Wonderful. I’ll see you shortly then.”

“I look forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lookit John bein' all cryptic and stuff. That little shit.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which A NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES!!! (kinda short, sorry)

The morning goes by in a blur. After your shower you revert to what would qualify as 'normal' and exit to hear John and Dave in the former's room, speaking in low voices. You'd rather not eavesdrop on them, so you take the opportunity to make a stealthy exit of the house to ~~stew over fucking everything up~~ cool your head.

Your aimless walk is given a mission once your stomach growls again. It's a short jog to the convenience store, but that's fine. Taking in the sounds and smells of the city helps keep your mind out of that inky black puddle of self-loathing you've been increasing by the bucketful.

_"Get back here you motherf--"_  
 _"Get him--"_  
 _"No fuck y--"_  
 _"Hold him down!"_

A scuffle, from the sounds of it. You peek into an alleyway between a liquor store and the outer wall for it's parking lot to see four men: one on the ground being straddled by another, with the other two hovering nearby, watching as the one on top lays into the other with his fists.

_Wonderful, a chance to play._

Eh, why the hell not.

You silently approach and take advantage of the situation, slipping your fingers through the closest one's belt loop and quickly pulling them down, then grabbing the waistline and yanking back. He topples forward as he feet are pulled from under him, landing face-first in the gravel.

The second one notices you, but the pair on the ground are between you, giving you enough time to give the man you tripped a sharp kick in the side. You weren't aiming to hit him very hard, but he's tossed a foot and rolled onto his back by the blow anyway. _Oops._

Sidestepping the two on the ground as you rush the other guy, you duck under his clumsy swipe and slug him in the gut, followed by the jaw from your lowered position. His head snaps up and he drops, a puppet with it's strings cut.

Wheeling quickly you yank the top guy off of the other by the back of his neck, slinging him behind you into the wall. You spin and give him a kick to the sternum while he's against the wall, and then step in for another hook to the jaw. He crumples to the ground as you turn to the guy he was attacking, sizing him up.

He wasn't much, to be honest. Tangled black hair in need of a trim set over thick eyebrows, above what had to be the reddest eyes you've seen beyond Dave's. He's wearing some nice clothes for this part of town--a white button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled to the elbows and a vest, maroon on the front and dark grey on the back, with black slacks and matching shoes. The only contrast in his looks is the cheap wristwatch he's wearing, which is an almost fluorescent bright red and beat-up enough that you're surprised it's still intact at all. 

He gives a wheezing cough as he pulls himself off the ground. "Don't expect me to fucking thank you for that." His bruised face tightens as he stands (you note he's a little shorter than you), catching his breath.

 _Why you ungrateful little--_ "I'll make sure not to step in next time. I'm sure you'd have been fine."

"Shut your mouth, I was doing fine before you fucked everything up."

"I saw that. You totally had them on the ropes there."

He makes an agitated noise in his throat, "I was--never mind. You have no idea what was going on here anyway, so I'll be generous and spare you the insults to you and your family's intelligence."

"You were getting mugged?"

Looks as if he's going to snap back with something, but reigns himself in. "Nope, fuck this, I'm leaving."

He spits at the guy crumpled against the wall before shouldering past you out of the alley, one hand in his pocket, the other nursing his nose.

You wrestle with the urge to beat him up yourself before collecting your thoughts and leaving as well, continuing your trek to the store as he drives off.

\- - - - - - - - - -

Today just isn't your day. Neither was yesterday or any other day in recent memory, for that matter.

 _Seriously, great job there idiot, falling for something so simple--of course he'd bring friends to a fight._ You sigh at how stupid you can be sometimes. It's obvious that thinking people might not be a bunch of ignorant greedy fuckwits is a waste of effort, but you still do it time and again.

_not to mention you were a total prick to that girl after she saved your ass back there._

Fuck you hate yourself in hindsight.

You pull up to the house for the second time today, ducking out of the car and stopping at the door to knock. Moments later there's a clatter of footsteps and you clear your throat lightly. _put on your social face, it'll be over soon._

It swings open abruptly, presenting you with the dorkiest grin to ever cast it's baleful shadow over this shithole of a planet. Attached to it is a person, but seeing as it's not female, it's not who you're looking for.

"Hello. I'm here for a Jade Harley? I've been sent to pick her up."

"Oh, She's not here right now. Gimme a second to see where she's at." He plucks a cellphone from his back pocket and flicks through a menu before selecting her. When you can hear the dial tone, he asks "Who sent you to pick her up?"

"Rose Lalonde. Something about a party."

"Ah, so Ka--Hey Jade! No everything's fine, there's a guy here for you. Rose sent him, his name is..." You give him a low 'Karkat Vantas' and he continues, "Mr. Vantas. No, I don't think he's a male stripper--" he tilts the phone away from his mouth, "Uh, you're not, are you?"

You direct the most uninterested look you can muster at him, "No." The urge to strangle this idiot was climbing at an alarming rate, but you keep your cool--you're not going to deal with Lalonde's drama over this shit later.

"--He's not. Anyway, when are you gonna be home?"

There's a short pause. "Alright then. We'll see you when you get here. Bye!" Shortly afterwards he hangs up and stows the phone again.

"She should be here in about fifteen minutes, if you'd like to wait inside."

You briefly consider pulling the 'company policy' card and avoiding it, but frankly the sun is starting to give you a headache. "Sure. Thanks."

He walks back the way he came, leaving the door open for you. _Shit._

"Actually, I'm not sure I should..." You let your voice sound appropriately hesitant.

He takes the bait as he cheerily calls back "No no, it's fine. Please--"

**" _come in_."**


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Karkat gets the gold medal in the phonecall faux pas olympics. (also a bit short)

It takes a while for Mr. Vantas to get comfortable in the living room. You wonder why someone sent by Ms. Maryam be so beat-up.

"Mind if I ask you about--" his immediate "No" cuts off the rest of your question, so you let it drop. 

_Touchy, isn't he?_

You give your guest a look over; he's a little shorter than you. His face calls the most attention, with some nasty bruises starting up at his temple, under his eye, and on his jaw. He's got the makings of a rather nasty shiner on surfacing around his other eye, and from his squint you'd guess his nose was hurt or he's just a very scowly person. Upon noticing your appraisal the creases at his eyes and brow deepen. 

_Alright, just a scowl._

"So, the party Jade's being picked up for." You set a glass of tea down and slide it across the table to him, "It wouldn't happen to be big one downtown tonight, would it?"

"I would assume so, seeing as it's the only party one Snarky Broad and her Lady Fussyfangs would deign to attend this evening."

"Oh come on, Rose isn't that bad!"  
"...Just don't talk about your parents."

"Ha!" Your glass almost slips at his sudden outburst of mirth. You're surprised how Karkat changes when he laughs--the deep lines around his eyes and mouth ease, his jaw unclenches and laughter rolls up from his chest. Some could even call him handsome like this.

Almost as soon as it starts to show it stops abruptly as he catches himself, his scowl settling in again. 

It's then you hear the front door open.

\- - - - - - - - - -

Your journey, successful. A bevy of deceptively cheap snacks and drinks, secured. Worries, muted by fresh air and good deeds done (even if done for ungrateful pricks).

After rounding the corner back onto the main road of the complex, you locate your temporary abode. 

The black sedan from this morning has returned--seems Rose had sent for you, wherever she'd gone off to this morning

A quick peek through the tinted window shows nobody inside, so you head for the front door and shoulder your way in.

"John, I'm back!"

He gives a noncommittal noise from the kitchen and you ease your way around the coffee table to join him.

He gives you a quick 'Hey Jade' as you notice a guest sitting across from him. He notices you as you recognize him, his jaw going slack.

A second later he recovers, "Of course _you're_ Jade Harley, just my fucking luck as usual." He--Karkat makes a disgusted noise in his throat as he rises from his chair, draining his glass and trudging over to the sink to deposit it.

You're getting just a little fed up with this douchebag's apparent dislike of you, especially since you hadn't even met him before today--and after saving his ass no less! 

"What is your _problem_?"

"None worth mentioning to you."

John's questioning look between the two of you quickly jumped to you as he sprang from the chair, herding you from the room.

"Jade, you've got to calm down."

"Why should _I_ have to--" He gives you a sharp look and you pause, then catch the sound rippling out from your throat. You'd been growling.

"I..." You take a deep breath and settle yourself, "You're right. Sorry." 

After another few second under his stern glare, his face eases back to his usual grin. "No problem!" He gives you a small clap on the shoulder and starts back into the kitchen.

You follow to fins Karkat Vantas standing in the doorway, looking oddly thoughtful. "That explains the alley then." John's eyebrows shoot up as he levels another curious glance between the two of you.

A puff of air escapes Karkat that you could technically call a sigh as he pulls his cellphone out and dials a number. A few seconds after it's pressed to his ear he starts.

"You've got a lot of explaining to do, Lalonde." You perk up at your friend's name.

"You know damn well what I mean." 

You concentrate on your hearing to catch her voice. _"No, I'm afraid you'll have to explain. I don't recall having complicated things for you recently."_

"Oh yeah sure, let's neglect to mention that your friend's a 'Were and watch Karkat get himself mauled. Look, I get that you're pissed about yesterday but--"

\- - - - - - - - - -

You glance up from your tirade to see Jade and John look at you like you just set their beloved family pet on fire after sodomizing it with a power drill.

You suddenly feel that you may have just _seriously_ fucked up.

 _"Karkat. Karkat, are you there? Karkat?"_ Rose's voice sounds far away on the phone in your now-slack grip. 

It's in the brief moment as Jade's horrified look crumbles and her eyes start to well that you realize it. Guilt and dread suckerpunch you in the gut.

Rose didn't know.

She bolts from the living room and out the front door before you can so much as start to apologize.

_God_

_FUCKING_

**_DAMMIT_**


	10. Chapter 10

_"Alright folks, for outing a supernatural to a close friend of theirs, our douchebag of the year award goes to none other than Karkat Vantas! A round of applause for our lucky winner, please!"_

If you were hating yourself for stupid shit earlier, it's nothing compared to now. You round another corner, staying locked on the sounds of Jade's muffled cries and breathing as she ran.

Using your energy for this was already turning your headache into a full marching band parading through your skull, but you're not about to let someone else's life get fucked over by your stupid mistake. You can top off once you get this shit sorted and settled.

You hop a short fence and cut through a yard to head her off at the next corner, almost plowing into her as she ran blindly.

"Jade, wait!" You snag her arm and pull her to a stop. She yanks it free immediately, but doesn't bolt off.

"What did I do?" Jade whirls on you, sputtering as she hastily wipes at her eye with a sleeve. "Why do you hate me so much--I don't even know you!"

"Hate you? What--I don't hate you, I barely even know you. This is just a bad day of mine spiraled so far out of control it's exploded out of the atmosphere and flown straight into the fucking sun."

"So you're that much of an ass all the time?"

You bite back a reply you would no doubt regret. "Yeah." You take a step back to give her some space, "Look, I was an idiot back there. I know an apology's not going to make anything better, and I'm sorry for that too. I had no idea Rose didn't know about you--I've gotta say I'm surprised she didn't, given her present company, but I'm getting off-topic here."

You put a hand on her shoulder in what you hope is a reassuring manner, "I fucked up big time here, but I can try and help make it up to you if you haven't completely written me off as a complete douchenozzle yet."

Her face shuffles between anger, sadness, confusion, and a few others more, but at least she stops bawling in the middle of the sidewalk.

She takes a few shaky breaths before nodding, "O-okay. How are we going to do this?"

Your answer is cut off as your brain fucks off to oblivion for a while.

\- - - - - - - - - -

Okay, you _might_ have overreacted a little there, but in your defense you came home to a shocked Egbert saying Jade's run off, which you track her to find some angry guy growling at her while she was crying.

You ~~panicked~~ gotta to stand up for your friends, you know?

\- - - - - - - - - -

You need a moment to take stock of what's happened. 

First, Karkat was apologizing for his slip-up to Rose over the phone, then Dave rounds the corner and pauses. Suddenly he's leapt across the distance and spun, decking Karkat in the jaw and landing squarely between the two of you as Karkat crumples to the concrete.

Looking now, he's like some strange cat ready to spring. There's a crimp in his upper lip that vanishes a half-second after he finishes the maneuver--you'd guess it would be a snarl on a normal person. Honestly you're surprised at the display.

"Dave?"

His shoulders loosen a fraction and his expression smooths into his usual mask, "Harley."

"What was that for? He was apologizing."

"Hm." You hear a shallow exhale from him as he calms down, before reaching down and checking on Karkat.

Karkat's breathing picks up before he starts to recover, hauling himself off the ground and slapping Dave's extended hand away.

"Yo uh, Guy. Sorry for popping you there."

He gives a grunt as he wipes his mouth on a sleeve. "Given that I was in the middle of an apology and may have deserved that, I will let your suckerpunching ass go un-kicked. You try that again I will take you the fuck apart, human."

Dave gives a snort and you cut off his reply with; "So what do you plan on doing to fix this?"

Karkat's brows knit together as he considers something, his expressions shifting at an almost cartoonish pace in front of you.

"You guys are going to the big party tonight, yeah?" you nod. "I can get you and Rose some peace and quiet there to hammer this shit out."

He continues before you can question that. "Given that the cat has not only escaped the bag, but shat all over the carpet and shredded the furniture, You two will wanna get it out of the way as soon as possible--I know how Lalonde can get when she feels jilted."

"How do you and Rose know each other?"

"She and my boss have been trying to see who can suffocate the other with their tongue--among other things--for what has to be the most disgusting few months I've been forced to endure."

That explains the odd perfume you've noticed when she comes back from one of her sudden 'trips' while you've been here.

"Alright. I'm not sure how hard it would be to get a moment with her regardless though."

He gives you that 'are you an idiot' stare again, "You would be very surprised."

"So." Dave finally speaks up.

"So _what_?" You see Karkat's glare reapply itself and turn to your friend.

"Just wondering if anyone knows the way back to the house."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay, folks! internet troubles and wrangling companies over the phone will be the death of me.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frustrations abound!

You feel like an idiot.

All the signs you'd either missed or pretended not to notice, and Karkat Vantas had been the one to both see it and break the news of Jade's... _condition_ to you.

It was a slap in the face.

The revenge you're plotting for him will be swift and humiliating, but that will have to wait--there were more disturbing matters to address. What other secrets had Jade been keeping from you? 

Did John know about her? Did Dave? The thought of being kept out of such information for some reason left you cold.

"Rose?" A woman's measured voice floats from behind you, "Is everything alright?"

Kanaya stands in the doorway, having no doubt heard your end of the conversation minutes prior. The worry on her face adds a layer of guilt to your already crowded emotions.

A small sigh escapes as you take a moment to calm yourself.

"Just something I'll need to talk with Jade about later."

"I hope I haven't kept your from anything important."

You feel a smile tug at your lips, but keep it in check. Her worrisome nature was one of ~~her charms~~ the traits you enjoy about her, she was always caring for others.

Crossing the room you pull her into our arms. Her body rests against yours comfortably, with your hands clasped at the small of her back. "It's nothing, really." her brow betrays her skepticism so you cede a small truth; both to ease her worries and change the subject. "I'm quite looking forward to this evening."

Kanaya's expression brightens considerably from that. 

"Have you decided what to wear?"

Ah, fashion. "Not yet, I was considering asking a second opinion before I try on anthing." You lean in a hair further, "Though some of these are so elaborate, I may need some help getting them _off_ if I don't like them." Your voice drops slightly.

Kanaya retreats a half-step that you follow easily, keeping your arms around her.

"Rose you know I--"

"I know." When she starts omitting pauses you know she's uncomfortable. You give what you hope is an understanding smile before you dart in to deliver a quick peck to her ~~captivating~~ lips before releasing her and stalking to the expansive wardrobe across the room.

You could feel her blush swell from across the room, as well as her longing look. ~~You hoped~~.

\- - - - - - - - - -

_Your eyes follow her hips as she sashays to the wardrobe. Her touch, her kiss, leave a burning note on your lips and bring a dark hunger in you to the fore._

_Rose Lalonde; your beautiful rose. You know very well that you cannot--no, must not have her, but her thorns only leave you aching more for her, and she knows it._

If only you could just-- 

_You cross the room in a blink, circling your arms around her and pressing your lips to the point her neck meets her shoulders, all flawless porcelain skin._

_She turns, surprised as you kiss her fiercely. You heft her up and against the wardrobe, grabbing her rear roughly as you press her against it, releasing her lips to lay kisses along her jaw, her resistance quickly melting under your assault._

_It's then that you strike. Sinking your fangs--_

You retreat from the room quickly, your thoughts kept safely from reality.

\- - - - - - - - - -

The drive to the boutique is filled with a deafening silence that makes you want to tear your hair out. Since you need your hands for steering though, you settle for driving like a total asshole and reveling in the honks and insults you earn.

Which are quite numerous, since apparently everyone and their fucking grandmother seems to have decided to be out on the road today--you are twenty minutes behind the schedule Kanaya ~~let~~ had you hammer out, and you're going to get an earful from two flighty broads when you actually manage to deliver Jade to the store Rose had picked out (no doubt with kanaya's fretful input).

Normally you'd just say 'fuck it' and get there when you get there, reckless driving or no. Today however you decide to just bite the bullet and call in ahead.

A short dial tone and three rings later the crisp voice of one Rose Lalonde answers "Yes?"

Your earlier guilt rears up and punches you in the dick again, but you ignore it. "Could you tell Kanaya--"

"It would appear that you're more than capable of volunteering information yourself, Mr. Vantas."

"Yeah, which is why I called _her_ number, Ms. Lalonde. If you could so kindly put her on the phone?"

There's a pause on her end and you take a sort of twisted pride in having gotten the better of her for once. 

A few seconds later, Kanaya's voice comes through the speaker. 

"Karkat?"

"Everything's fine, just calling in to say that traffic is being a right bitch at the moment, so we're going to be later than anticipated."

"How much later do you estimate?"

"Another twenty minutes at the current route, if not more."

There's a small 'Hmm' in acknowledgment and you hang up.

You tilt the rear-view to check on your cargo, finding Jade looking antsy. You settle the mirror back into position and let out a deep breath.

This is going to be a long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not dead, just caught up in life stuff.


	12. Chapter 12

The sun is going down and nobody's come home yet.

Dave said he was heading 'out' after Jade left with Karkat, and Rose was still gone from when she was picked up (also by Karkat) this morning.

A round of messages later and Dave is on his way back, Jade is having something to eat before she returns as well, and Rose says she'll see you all at the party.

Since the party starts at nine, you're left with three hours to entertain yourself. With no one home, but on the way.

Oh, this is going to be _good_.

\- - - - - - - - - -

It takes almost a half-hour to walk back to the house after John messaged you. You considered calling a cab before you realized that you forgot to grab your wallet when you left.

_First world problems: never without his phone, but forgets his wallet. Whatever. It's not exactly your style to ask for help anyway._

_Besides, it's good exercise. You need to keep your girlish figure, after all._

It's about there that you're tackled by someone entirely too big to be that quiet and thrown into the side of a passing truck.

You'd like to say you got up and kicked that guy's ass. You were out a few seconds after you bounced off of it and to the ground. The driver kept going--either they didn't notice or didn't care.

_Just your luck._

\- - - - - - - - - -

An hour after your messages were sent out, there's a sound from out front; the light crunching of pebbles under tires. Your first victim has arrived.

You take your position and wait, intent on watching the scene unfold. The door opens a crack at first, no doubt Jade suspects you were up to something--she's right of course, but she doesn't know when or what yet--then opens it to enter after checking for tripwires and things on top of the frame. 

She motions for the person behind her (you're guessing Karkat from the heavy sigh) to wait as she scouts the living room ahead, sniffing lightly for anything out of place. You decide to spring your trap.

Rising from your vantage point, you sidle down the stairs to her, keeping your face composed and greeting her with a nod.

"I heard you guys pull up. Need any help unloading the car?"

She keeps her eyes trained on you, looking for a tell of some sort, "No thanks, there isn't much to bring in, and Karkat seems to have that handled."

You assume your usual grin, "Alright then. Should I be getting drinks for our guest then?"

"You two _do_ realize I'm right here, right?" Karkat crosses the threshold and lays the stack of clothes across the back of the loveseat.

"--Karkat don't!" She lunges to his rescue to be presented with... nothing.

Karkat looks at her like she's crazy as she gives a quick apology, and you keep your dopey grin in the face of her suspicious glare that follows.

"So, thirsty?" You let Jade catch a small smirk.

Karkat gives a nod and you start for the kitchen.

"I'll get them." Jade almost sprints from the room and you let her pass, taking a seat on the couch across from your guest instead. As the kitchen door closes there's a deep 'kerTHUNK' throughout the kitchen as your strategically placed confetti cannons go off. Jade's surprised squawk is priceless as you spring from your seat and open the kitchen door for a view.

There stands Jade a few feet from the door, completely covered in shiny plastic rectangles of every color. As well as the rest of the kitchen. 

"Oh, right. I'll grab the drinks then." Jade is stock still as you pass her to the fridge, grabbing a few cans of soda and returning to your seat in the living room.

You offer one to Karkat, who accepts it as he leans back on the couch for a better view of the warzone past the door.

His small snort rouses Jade from her shock. She stomps out and up the stairs to the bathroom.

You and Karkat exchange chuckles as the door slams.

\- - - - - - - - - -

Your first thought is pain. It feels like you got hit by a truck. You chuckle at the thought and wince at the pain it returns.

"Shut it, he's waking up." Footsteps sound and there's a hand on your head, pulling you out of your slump by your hair.

"Rise and shine, motherfucker. You've got a big day ahead of you." The sharp tang of grease and bad breath hit you in the face.

"We should just kill--" The hand leaves your head as you hear the voice across the room jump to a strangled gurgle.

"I didn't give you leave to question my fuckin' orders."

There's a croak that you assume is an apology, and a thump as they're dropped, coughing and wheezing.

He barks two more names you don't catch and more hands are on you, pulling you out of the chair you were in and dragging you somewhere else as you slip back into darkness.

The next you know you're laying on concrete. You can feel a few hours have passed, and everything still hurts.

Your mind whips back to consciousness as a voice booms above you, "Welcome, brothers and sisters of the dark!"

Theres a murmur from all around you as you try and open your eyes, "The moon rises in a few hours, and as you all know the _appeasers_ will be meeting tonight." The boos and curses from the audience don't help your headache.

"Those fuckers won't be deciding our ways much longer! As you've seen these last few months, we've raised our numbers to prepare for the battle ahead. Tonight we add the last to our clan, and we'll announce our legitimacy to the world on the grandest scale!" More cheers thunder through the room.

"Tonight, we attack!" The noise rises from cheers to roars--like great beasts filling the area above, instead of people.

A silence falls as quickly as the cheers began. You finally get your eyes to adjust to the light and examine where you are.

From the exposed I-beams and metal paneling above and concrete floor below, you're in a warehouse. Looking around you find yourself in a pit of sorts--storage crates make up the walls, with large scratches and larger dents marring the surface. People are gathered at the tops, looking down on the makeshift arena.

The scuff you hear to your left alerts you of another in the pit--a teen like you, tall, with tanned skin and dark hair. He's dressed in a black tank top with some purple logo on it, and dark pants that looked a few sizes too big--even for him.

"Tonight we witness Makara's initiation, and then we march!" The voice booms again. Looking, it belongs to what has to be the tallest man you've ever seen--and you've seen some pretty freaking tall people these last few days. Add on the fact that he looked like he was made of nothing but chiseled muscle on that frame made a rather imposing image.

The wild hair, skull facepaint and black-and-purple ribcage shirt were just icing on the cake.

He locks eyes with you.

"You're to be the sacrifice." Scattered laughs cross the crowd before his glare cut them short, then settling back on you.

"Your choice is simple, boy." He motions to the teen across from you, "Fight, or die."


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which some things happen, but very little does.

You're fifteen minutes late to the party--you're standing outside the building, of course; even worried as you're starting to get, you can't offend these folks _too_ much--and Dave still hasn't shown up, or even sent word that he'd be late. You've gone from the calm green to a perturbed yellow friendleader alert frequency right now. Jade is hardly any better off, still in the car trying his number. You've done the same, as well as calling anyone you know here to keep a lookout for the coolkid.

Now normally three hours isn't very long, but with a jilted werewolf on his list of recent encounters, you're working a tad more cautiously.

The car door opens and shuts with a dull noise as Jade steps out. You've got to hand it to Rose, she knew exactly what would accent Jade's features. You're not sure what it's made of, but the strapless thing's dark material seems to take in the light, bringing the small green points on it into stark contrast against the black. The slitted side let her move more comfortably as well, fitting some function into it's form.

She's a walking nightscape, and while you're not going to say you find her attractive--she _is_ your sister, she does look very pretty tonight.

Your questioning eyebrow gets you a shrug and a frustrated sigh from Jade, "Let's just go in." Crooking your arm at her, she loops hers through and the two of you head into the party.

\- - - - - - - - - -

This would all be much more tolerable if you had your shades.

You mean, you're not exactly defenseless without them, but ~~you really are~~ Egbert put a lot of effort into getting them for you.

Sudden kidnapping? You're game. Internment in underground deathmatch? Cool beans. Without your shades? not on yor life, do not agree with the terms of service, et cetera et cetera.

Why no longer diatrebes on your shadeslessness far exceeding the legal limit? You're a bit busy with the wicked-fast murderclown on pcp you're having that underground deathmatch with.

You didn't notice the matching facepaint with big mclargehuge upstairs until _after_ he springs across the concrete to maul you. You're starting to be real grateful for your rooftop time with Bro right now, because otherwise you'd be a broken heap by this point.

"What the FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, RUNT?" The man in purple booms, making the tanned kid freeze and step back from you.

He waves a hand to the others standing above you, with a few coming forward and dropping weapons down into the square. The big guy himself doing so as well.

Your opponent runs over to grab the pair of clubs tossed in by the giant guy up top, even going out of his way to gather the second up after it clatters away when it lands.

You just grabbed the nearest blade you could find--a thin little thing with a red handle and dragon head on the pommel, levering it between you and the other teen.

When the two of you have them in hand, a hush falls over the crowd. You look for the cause, but everyone's eyes are still trained on the two of you. A thin woman with dark hair looks down at you behind her glasses with a grin that would make a shark whimper in shame.

Looks like they're waiting for you to start the party for them.

The kid's crooked laughter gives him away. His swing at your head is clumsy, wide. The rush of air on your face as the club passes tells you to stay the hell away from them regardless. Swaying out of his swipe's range, you hop back to get some more distance.

He steps forward with his opposite foot, pivoting for an upward swing at your head again then--You twist sharply to the side to avoid his accompanying kick, almost a blur. What is it with everyone being so freaking fast these days?

Turning with the motion, you slash at his chest. To dodge he just drops like a puppet suddenly missing it's strings. He rolls backward back onto his feet and launches himself at you, swinging wide again. You sway back and swing down at him, and the fucker actually _slaps_ your blade away with his opposite hand.

He kicks out at you, leaning back to recover his second club again, hopping off his remaining foot to kick again; horizontally this time. Slip to the side of the first, then block the second; your blade braced against your arm.

The boy yelps as it bites into his leg and he stumbles back out of reach, wary. The crowd roars, a mixture of short laughs and disapproval.

From there the two of you circle slowly.

\- - - - - - - - - -

Looks like your fashionably late arrival has pissed off no-one, so you're doing great so far.

Not that it seems to matter, since everyone seems to be ignoring you in lieu of Jade.

The two of you were led from the door through the lobby and down to a massive ballroom complete with greco-roman pillars, shiny marble floors--the works.

You took the time to wander the room shaking hands and making polite greetings to everyone you'd been told about by your dad, as well as anyone who looked important otherwise.

Since then you haven't gotten so much as a glimpse of Rose yet, though she might be taking her time getting here as well.

Your phone vibrates, and you check it to find Jade messaging you:

\- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT] at 21:20! -

GG: john help!

GG: rose just got here but i'm being swarmed by guys and can't get to her!!!

GG: none of them can seem to take a hint either :(

GT: alright, I'll see if I can't fix your boy problem.

GG: thanks!! 

GG: please hurry....

\- gardenGnostic is now an idle chum! -

It's not hard to find Jade--or rather, the swarm of guys that surrounded her--at the bar. Actually getting to her is an interesting challenge; It takes a good few minutes to shift and sidle to her through the crowd. Jade gives you a look of relief as she catches sight of you.

"Alright folks, my sister informs me that our guest of honor has arrived, so if you'd all kindly--"

You're cut off as someone to your right shoves you; "Butt out, human. She's just fine here with us."

You cut Jade's growl off with a hard look and turn to your would-be aggressor. Six-four, dark hair, leather jacket, pants, and boots; all black of course. A werewolf by the look of him, and not a very aged one at that.

Poor guy has no idea who he's picking a fight with.

With a quick flip of your hand he's three feet off the ground as the air around him whips him up. The others are pushed back into a neat eight-foot circle around you and Jade, likewise kept at bay by the gale. The glasses and bottles on the bar aren't disturbed in the slightest.

"It looks like I forgot to introduce myself: Hi! I'm John Egbert. I'm the Cleaners rep for the meeting today. I'm also pretty good with air spells, but you already know that." He snarls at you and swings a now-clawed hand, which only sends him tumbling end over end in the little wind tunnel you have him free-falling in.

"Now," You cast your gaze over the rest of the crowd for effect "My sister and I would _really_ like to see our friend, so we'll be going now." Jade takes your offered arm and the two of you walk to the lobby, the crowd forced apart around you as you go.

She giggles, leaning in. 

"Showoff."

\- - - - - - - - - -

It wasn't long before the two of you found Rose in the ballroom, standing next to who you assume was one Kanaya Maryam. The pair of them reminded you of two willows, slender and graceful. There was also a lack of people talking to the two of them--You mean, there were people _talking_ to them, but at a more respectful distance. From the small crimp in Kanaya's brow she didn't seem to be enjoying herself.

Now, how to change that...


	14. Chapter 14

The room is surprisingly quiet, half surprised that you're doing so well, half waiting for something decisive to happen between you two.

Another swipe barely misses your face, and your return strike only hits air. This kid is getting better, and you're not sure what to do about it. Sure, self-defense is an easy out if the cops show up, but maiming a dude in the same boat as you gives you a queasy feeling.

_Of course you were perfectly fine breaking that guy's arm last night_ Shut it, he's the one who decided to bring a knife to a fistfight.

You're also surprised at your opponent. He has that flitting quickness like you and your brother, but the way he moves is all wrong for it. You're kinda grateful about that actually; if he stopped lolling around so much and trimmed down his movements he'd be stomping you into the ground right now.

Clownboy doesn't even seem short of breath either, which worries you. If this fighting keeps up you're going to tire out and get ~~killed~~ seriously injured.

\- - - - -

It's Jade who makes the first move; simply waving and stepping up her pace, pulling you along. It puts an odd look on the more 'noble' guests, but accomplishes your objective nicely--Rose looks over and her eyes brighten, her small fake smile now looking more genuine.

"Jade, I was looking forward to seeing you here." You feign a hurt look, "And you as well, John. Though I'm still puzzled as to why the two of you are here."

"I'm sure Ms. Maryam would know why I'm here, though I'm not sure we've met personally." You offer a hand to the mocha-clored woman and kiss the smooth skin of her knuckles when she takes it. 

"Nice to finally meet the woman who's been snogging my friend." Her sudden blush is priceless, as is Rose's glare. You hold your hands up peacably, "Our friend Karkat seems to talk more than he notices--but it really is nice to meet you Ms. Maryam."

"Just Kanaya is fine, thank you." You nod.

"Ah, on the subject of Karkat; His collossal slip-up via phone gave Jade's reason for being here besides my invitation. I thought she might like to meet the locals here. Well, that and the whole 'fancy party just in time for birthdays' thing."

Kanaya chimes in carefully "Perhaps not a wise idea, if I'm not being to forward?" A small shake of head head and she continues, "Most of them will see an unclanned girl of age here as a viewing opportunity for a potential mate for her."

Jade grimaces. "Well that explains the reception." Kanaya gives her a small sorry, and you feel like the biggest doofus for throwing Jade to the wolves--literally and figuratvely.

"Crap. I should go explain--" 

Kanaya stops you as you go to leave, "You might only make things worse, since they will likely view your attempts to disuade them as a challenge."

Rose adds, "I'm also fairly sure that starting fights at what is supposed to be a peaceful meeting isn't a particularly good idea." 

Darn. With these two here making sense, it looks like you're stuck in doofusville.

"Alright then. Sorry Jade, I didn't know."

She shrugs, "I can tell them I'm not interested myself. If push comes to shove I might need some assistance though?" She directs that at you and Rose, and the two of you nod easily.

"So, why _are_ you here?" Double darn. You had hoped Rose would be diverted by your expert change of subject.

"I uh, I'm the Cleaner rep for the meeting, to make sure everyone plays nice and such." You can see she's mad at you from the shift in her eyebrows and the oh-so-miniscule scowl settled on her lips.

"So you knew about--" she motions to the ballroom's occupants.

"I wasn't allowed to tell you! There's a lot of rules to this gig, let me tell you."

"Such as?"

"Only when somebody has a violent run-in with something supernatural--the stuff you can't just medicate away, or when we're scouting to hire someone. You seem to have done well enough finding out by yourself anyway."

"How long have you known?"

Wow the ceiling here sure is interesting. "Five years? I was added as an honorary by my dad once my little 'gift' became apparent." You twiddle your fingers; a small vortex carries a drink from one of the passing servers to your hand, which you then offer to Kanaya who quietly accepts and sips.

Rose's eyebrows shoot up so quickly you're briefly worried for her hairline.

\- - - - -

You swoop in under a club and drive your pommel up into the kid's chin, sending him staggering back. You take the chance to recover a bit--you're wearing out quick. At this rate you've got _maybe_ a few more minutes in you. Your arms and legs are already burning from the exertion, and you know that after that comes the lead phase; you're hardly going to be able to lift your arms after that, and it'll be Game Over then.

The noise above the pit has increased. Big Man's getting impatient, from the sound of it, and the shark lady has been cackling almost nonstop for the last few minutes.

The boy leaps at you and you're ready for him; spinning alongside his uppercut to elbow him in the neck, then plant a boot into his chest to create more space. 

"Oh for fucking--KILL HIM ALREADY!" The boom echoes through the room.

Shark lady continues laughing, "It seems your choice was a good one, Highblood."

"I don't WANT your MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT HERE, REDGLARE."

"Nonsense! I'm far too good at what I do to send away."

"Cut the SHIT, woman. What's in your head?"

"Only that it would be a shame to lose such an _interesting_ specimen."

"You seem to be NEGLECTING the MOTHERFUCKING POINT."

She shrugs, "Why not keep them both? They've certainly proven themselves competent, blooded or no."

The man falls silent, brows furrowed.

"I'm sure you'd also hate to marr the evening with more of your scion getting beaten up while we're on a time limit ourselves--"

"--Shut UP or SO HELP ME--"

"You'll what?" You have to give the lady some credit: you'd be ~~pissing yourself~~ mildly unsettled under the glare she's getting from him.

Their staredown continues for almost a minute before he gives a snort, "You're right. We don't have the motherfucking time for this."

You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. You're also immediately worried when he drops down into the pit.

A hand closes around your throat--he crossed the distance before you could even--"Get the fuck out of my ring, human."

His deep growl only registers as you're careening end-over-end through the air the next second.

Luckily you're caught as you hurtle over the top of the barrier. It would've been a rather nasty spill to hit the concrete on the _other_ side of the pit's wall. Your rescuer deposits you in a heap back on top of the barrier, and you're given the chance to see who decided to save you wow the shark lady is much more imposing up close.

"YOU." The Big Guy (Highblood, apparently) barks from the arena, " _We'll_ settle this."

She turns to you and plucks something from her coat, handing it to you. "The door out is on the right down the hallway, third door." The woman's smile widens considerably, "If you'll excuse me, I have a date."

You take the hint and drop from the crate, running for the door. As you reach it you finally take the time to see what she handed you.

Your wallet and shades look up at you as terrible roars rise and crash in the arena behind you.


	15. Chapter 15

"--Well, it was my first day with my hook..." The group erupts with laughter around you. It always surprises you how popular the pirate joke is.

You left Jade with Rose and Kanaya to talk amongst themselves while you made rounds introducing yourself to the others in the room. Your greetings took you all the way down to the bar in the lobby before you were approached by a group of burly men.

Apparently they were impressed with your treatment of Isaac (who you wind-tunneled earlier), he was apparently a bit of an ass. Five minutes later you're all drinking and telling jokes.

"Excuse me boys, I need to borrow him for a minute."

There's a tap at your shoulder and you turn to find Rose. The group hoots and cheers at you as she pulls you away, sashaying for effect.

Once you reach the ballroom she comments, "I see you're enjoying yourself."

"Yep."

"Not too inebriated I hope?"

"Under twenty-one, remember?"

"Very well then."

"So."

"Indeed."

You pause, rubbing the back of your neck, "I'm sorry I couldn't tell you about all this earlier."

"It's nothing to worry about John. I understand you were in a difficult position."

"Well, yeah, but I felt bad keeping so much from you guys."

"Does Dave know about any of this?" There's the slightest hitch in her voice, but you don't say anything about it.

"A little. Jade can tell you more, but from what I can tell he had a--" You clear your throat, " _disagreement_ with a werewolf the other night, and Jade had to intervene."

"I'll have to have a word with her later about that."

There's a moment of uncomfortable silence before you change the subject, "So. Kanaya, huh?"

"What of it?"

"I just thought she seems nice. She's very pretty."

"Why John, is that disappointment I hear? Upset that I was swept up by another woman before you had your chance?"

"I'm not sure I could compete; I don't have the figure for it." You stop to pose artfully at a nearby table. You're rewarded with a (small, but beaming for Rose) smile.

"Actually, there was something I wanted to ask your assistance with, regarding Kanaya and I."

You raise your eyebrows "That bad?" She slaps at your arm.

"Wouldn't Dave be a better person to ask?"

"Dave's response for how to woo someone would be 'Rap Battle'"

"I dunno, that sounds pretty romantic to me. Especially with how wordy you two are."

"Will you listen to my request or not?"

"Shoot."

She starts explaining when your phone rings. You don't recognize the number, but you wouldn't be surprised if one of your dad's colleagues decided to check up on you.

\- - - - -

After several minutes of running from the warehouse you reach a street that's somewhat populated. Nobody followed you that you can tell, but you're not going to put much stock in anything at this point.

First order of business: find phone.

A few blocks of walking and you locate a corner store with a payphone outside.

John picks up on the second ring, "This is John Egbert speaking."

"Sup."

"Dave! We were starting to worry since you hadn't replied to our messages. Or calls. Is everything all right? And why didn't you call from your phone?"

"Slow down there Egderp I can only talk so fast. I mean sure I'm a demigod of the texan rapping roofninja clan, but still."

"Sorry. Jade was freaking out in the car when we got here, thinking you'd been abducted by werewolves or something!"

"Woah, that bad? Shit, I'm surprised the national guard weren't called. Actually better they weren't, since I'm pretty sure they'd be pretty fucked up by now."

John's questioning noise was left alone; no need to freak him (or any of the others) out.

"So, John, be honest with me here: What am I missing over there so far?"

"Jade got swarmed by guys, Rose introduced Kanaya, and I got into a slight scuffle at the bar."

"Hold up, you got in a fight? Should I keep an eye out for this guy later?"

"Nah, it wasn't anything major. I did sorta leave him hanging though."

"Alright then--actually, mind telling me where this shindig is going down again? I lost my phone earlier."

He pauses, then rattles off the address. "I can send somebody to pick you up if you want, I'm sure the girls would like to see you."

"Sounds great. I'll need to swing by the house and get dressed first." _and get patched up_.

You tell him the street you're on and fifteen minutes later a black sedan rolls up for you.

\- - - - -

Dave definitely isn't telling you everything. He'd never lose his phone, ever--not willingly, at least. You know he tries play himself off as the cool aloof guy, but you've seen how he checks on the three of you to see he really values you guys. That his bro bought it for him only makes this more suspicious.

Still, he should be on his way shortly, and you know Jade would like to hear that.

\- - - - -

You're getting real tired of playing ferryman real quick. You were _HOPING_ to get a few hours to yourself after you got done running interference for Harley and Lalonde to talk things over, but apparently that's too much to ask, so here you sit in a corner store parking lot in a shady neighborhood. Worst part is you volunteered for this. John found you out front and asked you to grab his friend; apparently he was worried something bad had happened.

You, being the complete sucker you are, said sure. It doesn't help that you're still drained form earlier--even the shitty streelamps here are making your head ring. When the blonde kid from earlier approaches you're taken aback: he looks like he picked a fight with a shed full of sledgehammers.

"Not a word, man."

"Just get in the damn car."

A click and thump later you're off to that house for the third time today.

When you arrive he jumps out and jogs to the door, and it's only a few minutes before he returns looking notably more respectable, except for the dorky sunglasses.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where the author is disappointed in how short this chapter (and the other thing) turned out after editing, especially after such a delay.

You wait until after John finishes his call to continue, delivering your request. "...It will take very careful timing, can I trust you with that?"

He takes a few moments, his head cocked, before a devious grin splits his face. "I like it. We'll have to work fast though--the meeting's going to start soon."

"Quite. I have preparations of my own to make as well."

As you turn to leave, John stops you. "Wait! Do you know where Karkat is?"

His mention immediately sours your mood, but you keep your face firmly restrained and your voice even. "I believe he said he as going 'to get some air away from you flighty broads'--" _and our snarky horseshit, apparently_ , "--and stormed off toward the lobby."

"Sweet, thanks! I'll be back." You give him a nod and he turns and jogs off in search of Karkat.

Should everything go according to plan you might very well be able to tip that tenuous balance within Kanaya.

You make your way back to the woman in question, standing and chatting about something with Jade. They're both rather animated--there's a pang of jealousy that your friend got Kanaya to open up so easily, but you crush it quickly; Jade has always had a way with people. Her open honesty and playfulness are infectious.

The two stop as you approach, Jade turning with a smile.

"Hey there Rose, we were starting to wonder what was taking you so long!" She glances behind you before adding, "Where's John?"

"He was called away I'm afraid. He should be returning shortly though."

"Your friend was just telling me of her interest in horticulture." Ah, gardening. You never had much patience with the sunlight and green things, preferring your tomes and imaginings of unspeakable horrors. _~~Which paled by orders of magnitude to their true, terrible glory.~~_

"Yeah, I had no idea Kanaya trimmed her own brush." There's a small choking nose from Kanaya before Jade realizes her double entendre. "Bushes. At her house. That."

You cock an eyebrow at Kanaya, watching the blush creep to her cheeks. You let her simmer for a second more before changing the subject, "I'm sorry to interrupt your talk, but might I speak with you privately Jade?" You give Kanaya a smile to pacify the worry that springs to her face.

"Sure!"

You set off with your friend behind you, stepping out into one of the covered balconies set into the side of the main hall. Time to clear the air, so to speak.

\- - - - -

It takes a bit of searching to track down Karkat: out through the lobby, around the building, up a fire escape and down two flights of stairs--then you thought to actually _ask_ if anyone's seen him. Your new friends at the bar were all too happy to point you towards 'shouty mcnubs'; they'd last seen him stalking out to the parking garage in his usual huff.

You briefly wonder how someone working for a (very nice-seeming) vampire could get on a nickname basis with a bunch of werewolves before you catch sight of him outside.

"Karkat!"

His glare whips from his shoes to your face, changing at a comical pace between surprise and then irritation. Your chuckle doesn't help things.

"Out with it." He holds up a hand to cut off your riposte, "Don't even start, I can tell you're here to ask me to do something skullf--" the word peters off before he clears his throat, "something stupid, and it's only by the grace of every god to ever exist that I haven't given you the verbal beatdown normally reserved for such heinous wastes of my time. Now tell me what you want so I can refuse and get back to my rounds."

"That took longer than what I was going to ask, you know."

"Egbert I am _this_ close to breaking ass on the nearest unfortunate soul--which is you, by the way--and the deathgrip I have on my patience is slipping by the second here."

"I was _going_ to ask if you could pick up my friend Dave for the party--and before you say anything I'm asking you because he's on at least one werewolf's blacklist and I'm worried something might have happened."

His mouth opens and you cut him off,"And by worried I mean he's probably in trouble _right now. _"__

__His eyebrows knit together as he considers it; there's a moment you think he's going to refuse like he said he was, before he sighs heavily. "Where am I picking him up?"_ _

__You repeat the address Dave gave you and Karkat's eyes widen before he growls and stomps off back to the parking garage._ _

__\- - - - -_ _

__"Pardon me, miss?" _Damnation._ You hadn't gotten thirty seconds with Jade before a short balding server ducks into the balcony to interrupt._ _

__"This area is reserved."_ _

__You quickly put your business smile on and squash the urge to turn him inside-out, "I'm very sorry, I didn't see a placard anywhere so I assumed this was open."_ _

__He gives a hurried nod, "It's alright, but this is mister Rennerd's private booth so I suggest you hurry before he arrives." You're unsure of who this 'Rennerd' is, but he appears to have a reputation._ _

__"I thought I made it clear that this was to be my _private_ \--Oh." Speak of the devil. "Hello, who might you two be?" The man stands a little taller than six feet, with neck-length dark hair styled away from his face. He was wearing a pair of plain black slacks and a lavender silk shirt. With his even tan and muscled frame, he might actually look handsome were it not for his artfully engineered smile, and the way (and locations) his eyes lingered as he scanned the two of you. Jade looked a half-step short of livid at his presence. As he turned to her you see the faint yellow of a healing bruise wrapped across his neck._ _

__"Ah, Miss... Harley, was it?" Jade's face hardened to steel. "I believe we met the other night."_ _

__"Can't say I remember. Oh! There was this one guy who had way too much makeup that my friend had to choke out."_ _

__A tic works at his jaw at her mention: it would seem he was involved with last night's debacle at the bar. You file it away, not wanting to start anything right now. With the people in this building an argument could get ugly, fast. "I'm terribly sorry mister...?"_ _

__"Rennerd. Theodore Rennerd."_ _

__"Rennerd, then, but we must get back to our group."_ _

__He steps aside, inclining his head. You make to pass him and his arm lashes out, catching your wrist. "Pardon. I don't believe I caught your name."_ _

Jade's hackels go up, but you cut her off sharply with your hand. "My name is Rose, guest of Kanaya Maryam. Please remove your hand." _Before I do it myself_. 

__His grin molds into a sneer and you return a smile. A moment later he retracts his hand as if he'd been bitten._ _

__"Thank you." You motion to Jade and set off, scanning the room for your willowy partner as you pull back into yourself._ _

__\- - - - -_ _

__This was a terrible idea. Rose has been trying to say or show that everything is fine, but you know something is amiss between her and Jade. You've already inferred that Karkat is involved but you don't know how or to what degree, and the lack of details only increases the chances you're either worrying about nothing or misunderstanding something and will make a fool of yourself attempting to inquire about them._ _

__With everything going on, you can't shake the feeling that you've ruined the evening already and it hasn't even started yet--it's maddening!_ _

__It doesn't help that you can't get a moment to really ask what is upsetting her ~~not that you're certain she would respond honestly anyway~~ with all these interruptions. Every new arrival seems to want to greet you, subtly prodding and searching for weaknesses that your predecessor no doubt lacked. She was always so sure of herself; you were always envious of that._ _

__You're getting off-point. So, back to fretting over Rose. She's been increasingly forward with her affections lately; not that you mind--on the contrary, it's been quite the pleasant change--but you don't want to slip and hurt her. Deflecting her has been frustrating in more ways than one, and she is worryingly adept at keeping on task._ _

__Since it would seem her 'task' involves getting you to throw her down and leave her unable to walk the following morning only makes it more difficult; you've had to almost triple your feeding rate to keep yourself in check. You still have no idea why your hunger almost _demands_ you take her._ _

__Oh if only Porrim were here! You could talk to her--find out what is going on with you or with Rose or both and finally be able to move forward._ _

__You spy Rose leaving the balcony and scanning the room, so you make your way to her after excusing yourself. It's then that your phone rings._ _


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which nothing of importance happens.

"Ah, Rose. There you are." Kanaya strides in elegantly from your periphery, attention set on your friend. Well, more from the middle of the room, really. You're having trouble concentrating on much more than not turning around and decking the creep behind you and probably ruining whatever important council thing is supposed to be going on with John. 

_Speaking of your dorky not-twin, where has he gotten off to?_ Sharpening your senses (and ignoring the douche behind you), you can readily say he's not in the ballroom, so why not go find him and take your mind off things. 

"Rose?" She answers with a turned head and a small 'hmm?', "I'm gonna go find John. Don't have _too_ much fun without me." Your eyebrow-waggle gets you a rose-smile and a creeping blush from Kanaya--it's really a shame she's so ~~repressed~~ reserved, you can tell she has a vivid imagination. 

You think she and Rose are cute together; all glances and small gestures that they hope the other doesn't notice. It's adorable to watch.

With your excusal from the group obtained, you set off in search of John, zeroing in on his scent.

That proves to be difficult, since everyone either smells very strongly of... something you can't place (you suspect those are werewolves like yourself), or smell of little more than perfumes and colognes overtop the faint-but-constant scent of blood (you're guessing vampires)--not even Kanaya, polite as she was, was an exception from that.

But enough of that. You catch a wisp of John and pin it down in your senses, shutting out errant thoughts as you focus on it and just _move_. Grandpa did always say a good hunt does wonders for the noggin. 

Part of you regrets not having a proper weapon with you, but getting your assorted collection of firearms through customs and airport security (even with the strings John pulled with Dad) would have been a nightmare. 

Anyway, you shouldn't need one--he's on the premises somewhere, and with everyone making nice like they are you doubt you'd need one, and you certainly weren't intending to use one on john.

\- - - - -

The drive isn't terribly long, and Vantas thankfully stays off your ass about how fucked up you look. You'd normally follow that up with an empty compliment on his self-restraint due to the choiceness of your glutes in the above statement, but as it is you're just _tired_. 

Your plan for the party is showing up, eating all the shrimp, and lying your way to enough alcohol to black out with after telling john how shit he is at everything (which he will easily and correctly decipher as "you are one of my best ~~and only~~ friends, now press your knuckles to mine in a show of masculine camaraderie as I pass the fuck out under this tablecloth").

\- - - - -

Why must Jade be so hard to find? Rose and Kanaya said she went looking for you, and everyone you ask who's seen her has pointed you in a completely different direction! 

Were it not for how stuffy some of this crowd are, you'd suspect someone was playing a prank on you (which you would be obligated to respond to with unrelenting shenanigans until they lay broken and defeated, admitting to all that you were their better). Ah well, you'll keep at it--you're bound to catch up eventually. You can't wait to see how happy she'll be with the news of Dave's arrival.

\- - - - -

Ugh, John _has_ to be messing with you; you've been following his scent through half the building (how did he even _get_ to the top of that flagpole anyway?)! Where is he even going?


	18. (smutty) INTERMISSION 1: ROSE/KANAYA PART 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set an indeterminate time in the near future, rose and kanaya finally do the do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for lesbian sex, mild body horror, and tentacles, among other things.
> 
> if such things make you irrationally angry, don't read this chapter.
> 
> oh, and spoilers for rose's rather unique situation in the series proper.

"Kanaya?"

There was a hesitant 'yes?' from the other side of the door.

A lump rises in your throat--nervousness finally deciding to rear it's ugly head; you take a breath and shove it out of the way. The lingering alcohol helps, you think. "Could you come in for a moment please? I need... assistance."

The silence from the door is deafening. It drags on, a pang of dread spearing you. _You idiot you've scared her off you should never have--_ The doorknob turns with a soft click as it begins to slowly open.

She enters, restrained terror set hard into her eyes and lips, but she doesn't leave. You quickly stamp down the nervous elation that bubbles up in your chest.

"Kanaya?"

She jumps, "Yes Rose what is the nature of assistance you need--" rambling through several more acknowledgements with her eyes very pointedly aimed at the ground.

"Could you help me out of the bath?"

She swallows.

"You know I wouldn't normally ask this of you, but my legs aren't cooperating right now."

"I..." She freezes. You start to ask if she's alright before she continues, clearing her throat. "Certainly."

Kanaya shuffles across the room to kneel at the bath, hesitantly holding a hand out. You lean to the side to take it, wrapping your arm around her shoulder as she loops hers across your back under your other arm, you grasp her as she lifts you onto the edge of the tub before leaning to hook her other hand under your legs, pulling you up as she stands.

You rest your head on her shoulder and breathe her in as she steps back and pivots to set you carefully on the toiletseat. She quickly turns away after handing you a towel, her frame tense.

You sigh heavily. "I'm... sorry. About tonight. I shouldn't have drank so heavily. I was... worried that I might misstep and ruin things." You hear her start to interrupt you but you press on, "I couldn't bear to have chased you away--though I've done a wonderful job of that regardless." You blame the wobble in your voice on the alcohol. It's a very nice lie you tell yourself.

"Rose--"

"I know. You have your boundaries for a good reason, and it only hurts things when I push them. I--" Your voice catches. With her back to you the words start spilling out before you can stop them. "I care about you, Kanaya. More deeply than you might realize. I know that I keep making things worse but even knowing that I still want to be with you."

"Kanaya--" You're cut off as she lunges forward, pressing her lips to yours with surprising force. While you hoped she would respond to your earlier advances, you didn't expect this.

You try to respond in turn only to find your limbs still traitorously clumsy. With a few false starts you reach up and pull her down to you, deepening the kiss.

Continuing like this you're in heaven, until she pushes herself away suddenly and stands again, averting her gaze.

"We can't. I couldn't take advantage of--"

"Kanaya." You cut her off. "Look at me."

"Rose I--"

"Look. At me." Her jade eyes swivel back to you.

"Come here." You extend a hand that she reluctantly takes, letting you pull her back down to you. You catch her gaze and hold it, leaning in with some effort to press your forehead to hers. "I've made a mess of things; I wanted everything to be perfect for you and fell prey to my own nerves. I was hoping to tell you my feelings after a romantic evening, not half-collapsed in your bathroom."

You interrupt the puzzled noise in her throat as you tilt her chin up, kissing her softly. She responds tentatively; she' still worrying about you.

"Kanaya, I want this. I want _you_. I _love_ you, you silly, fretful woman."

It's when a feeler slides across your wrist that you realize you're sitting naked--truly naked--in front of her saying this. You can only imagine how unnerving you must look: eyes black where there should be white and horizontal slit-pupils like so many cephalopods, twisting dotted patterns of scars and sucker marks trailing across your body, faint black tendrils snaking under your skin like living tattoos, and those that left your body to grasp at the world resemble wisps of black smoke; all reminders of your encounter with the Noble Circle in your ~~painfully overconfident~~ youth.

It changed you, meeting Them. Beyond just the physical, their 'gifts' brought to the fore an ugliness in your mind that you adamantly kept from everyone you cared about, afraid it might poison what you have with them. While simple glamour covered the cosmetic changes, it couldn't hide away the fits of baseless ~~omnicidal rage~~ paranoia and jealousy that seize you when your guard slips.

Kanaya kneels there wide-eyed and lips parted, as if she were stopped mid-word. Self-consciousness lances you and you cover yourself as quickly as your limbs would allow, looking away from her.

You should never have said that. She already has a lot to deal with without you weighing on her with a confession, especially afte--

Your depressive spiral stops abruptly when her hand touches your cheek. She turns your head to look back to her, but she continues to stare at you, agape.

Confusion settles in before she lunges. You expect another kiss and brace yourself, only to find her forehead on your shoulder as she clutches you in a fierce hug.

"Rose, I--Oh Rose!" She keeps repeating your name, with you still sitting on her toilet half-stricken by surprise. Your confusion evaporates when she looks up at you, cupping your face and kisses you; just a quick peck. And then again, and again, lingering and growing more insistent each time as she all but assaults your lips. You catch murmured bits of 'love you' between them.

Then it dawns that _you should be kissing back, you idiot._ The effect is immediate.

Her dress is quickly soaked as she pulls you against her, hands hesitantly roaming down to grasp your hips. The surprised gasp that escapes you only urges her on, her lips moving from yours down to your jaw and neck, nipping and kissing hungrily.

You tense as her lips press to your jugular, but she soon drifts lower, her hand coming up your side to trace your breast with her thumb as her lips press into the other.

You almost want to strangle her when she breaks away again, breathless. "Are we really...?" Her eyes search your face.

"Yes, if you'd--" and then you’re making out again and your frustration evaporates. Kanaya forces a gasp from you when she lifts you from your seat, one arm tucked around you to keep you upright and the other with a very firm grip on your ass. For stability, you're sure. Wonderful stability.

From there she lifts you and sets you on the counter next to the sink (you didn't notice her backing up or turning to accommodate this, but you don't really care), giving you a moment to catch your breath. Frustration creeps up again for a moment before there's a soft fluffy noise of a towel being draped onto your head.

The next several seconds are a disorienting blur as Kanaya roughly dries your hair, stopping once she thought it was good enough. You both giggle at the disheveled mess her efforts produced--you might look at home in one of your japanese animes. From there she towels you off, gently patting it to your skin, starting at your neck and working her way down. You swallow nervously as she reaches your breasts, but she continues down to your stomach and sides.

When she finishes with your legs she meets your eyes again, but tingly breathlessness aside, neither of you know where to start again.

You reach for her and she leans in, and you kiss her. None of the fire from those scant seconds ago, just a slow, lazy, _happy_ smooch on her smudged lipstick (or was it yours on her? you can't remember if you took yours off before the bath. It's not important). After a few seconds you ~~want more~~ press into her harder, but Kanaya pulls away.

"The bed would be much more comfortable than here." 

Your throat is suddenly very dry. You nod, not wanting your voice to crack.

With a wry curl of her lip Kanaya scoops you up, carrying you out of the bathroom and over to the bedside before laying you down gently on it, your feet and calves hanging over the side.

You’re given time to relax as Kanaya takes the time to peel off her now fairly sodden dress (that fabric will never be the same). You would feel a twinge of guilt were you capable of processing more than ~~giddy terror~~ nervousness right now, letting your hands wander your body as you take her in.

She's still turned away at the small boudoir, undoing the catch of her brassiere before unlatching and sliding off her hose and panties with deliberate slowness before laying them on top. While it's not the most practiced movement, watching her move is delicious regardless.

Naked like you now, your heart leaps to your throat when she turns and strides back to the bed.

You're constantly amazed at how fortunate you are to be with someone so beautiful. Especially naked. The pair of you have certainly gotten handsy with each other before, but something or other would always interrupt you two; be it a sudden intrusion or Kanaya's worries over her baser impulses and your safety ~~or to keep us restrained from her~~.

Kanaya leans down to press her lips to your navel, glancing down as she grabs your hips with (only briefly) shaking hands to pull you closer to the edge of the bed, leaving enough room to prop her elbows on the mattress after pulling your legs up and over her arms. Her breath tickles, and the weak giggle that comes up dies in your throat when her gaze locks with yours.

Then she presses her lips to yours in an obscene kiss before you feel her tongue against you. You hold your breath as she continues, working with slow, broad strokes of her tongue at your entrance.

The things this woman can do with it should be classified as torture. After some experimental laps she falls into a sporadic pattern of circular and figure-eight movements, broad strokes across and between your lips, and lashing at your clit in every direction--adjusting to your reactions and changing suddenly and mercilessly as she watches you come unhinged.

There's little you can do beyond attempting (and failing) to breathe and repeating butchered renditions of her name, which only seems to spur her further. That her eyes remain on your face makes you want to look away or cover yourself and pull her closer at the same time.

When you reach your peak it’s sudden and kept drawn out, Kanaya lapping at you through the whole experience as though nothing were amiss while you shiver and clench the sheets in your fists (and her head with your thighs), though you can feel the edges of her lips pull up into what would be a satisfied grin were they not otherwise occupied.

Once your moans turn into gasps and soft whines, she finally relents and lets you come down, crawling up from the edge of the mattress over you, trailing up your still too-sensitive stomach with her tongue as she goes, kneeling to straddle your hips once she reaches your throat.

Kanaya dips down to kiss you again and you’re only half able to reply to her, tasting yourself as her tongue explores your sluggish mouth. She shifts to set her knee on the mattress between your legs before sitting up. You briefly consider begging for it sliding down the last half-inch for contact before she pulls your left leg up to her chest, sliding hers under to take it's place on the bed. The end result had you partly on your right side, with her kneeling over your leg with the other pulled up and your knee hooked over the crook of her arm as she grips your thigh, your pussy half-spread and so close to hers.

As she presses against you the breath you didn’t realize you were holding comes out as a drawn out groan. You can’t hold it back like before, and Kanaya’s grin returns in force, fangs flashing as she rolls her hips to draw another out of you.

From there she continues to grind against you, wearing down what little restraint you’ve managed to cling to. Your moans come fast and loud as she increases her pace and you’re putty in her hands, grasping her thighs as she bears down and thumbs your clit with her free hand.

This continues while your climax builds and you can’t hold it back as it finally breaks, the world burning white-hot as sensation washes through you. Kanaya lets you ride it out in peace this time, aside from the errant swipe of her thumb to watch you squirm. When you finally come down, Kanaya has slipped down to lay half over you to relax, fingers tracing your collarbone in lazy trails.

It’s then you realize that ~~we want more~~ for all her spectacular efforts at hurling your senses into the stratosphere, ~~more~~ she hasn't deigned to join you there herself. ~~MORE~~ That's unacceptable.

Holding that in mind, Kanaya makes a small questioning noise as you extricate yourself from your tangled position under her. ~~More more moRE MORE _MORE_~~ You crawl overtop of her, straddling her and caging her under waist you as you dart in to nip at her breast. From her nipple you lave up her collar and along her throat (that your tongue trails out almost a foot long and threefold escapes your notice), returning your kiss despite her sudden tenseness her eyes reflect the image of yours, ~~points of lavender consumed in the abyss, seeping blackness down your face. She shudders deliciously when it drips onto her~~ and forming a plan of approach.

She shivers slightly as you concentrate, extending your feelers to brush her with the lightest of touches you can manage, slithering almost ghostlike over her ~~as we taste her all at once. It's not enough.~~ You trail them over her ~~too~~ slowly, tracing lazy spirals between her fingers and down her legs, massaging her thighs and back, sliding across her nipples and labia as you caress her breasts.

The effort is tremendous, but worth it; her racing pulse and soft moans tying you in metaphorical (and metaphysical) knots. You press on. You know Kanaya deserves to be ~~devoured~~ worshipped, and you intend to do just that.

You focus your efforts, abandoning many of the feelers to ~~taste Her as we please~~ concentrate on a few bundles, pressing in more deliberately to coax out the jewel from her folds before you strike--wreathing it in quickly spiraling pulses of your Touch.

Her breathy sigh jumps an octave to a sharp moan that drags on as you continue, and so encouraged you focus the others on her nipples and ass, caressing and prodding as you watch her.

Kanaya’s mewling and writhing under you does wonderfully for your ego, even if you’re not getting much else out of the experience--despite what some of your more sordid reading material might suggest of having tentacles at one’s disposal, they’re more akin to a fingertip in sensitivity; you can certainly feel Kanaya’s body with _very_ intimate detail and in many ways that would impossible or very uncomfortable with more conventional digits, it wasn’t very pleasurable by itself ~~yet~~.

She's so beautiful like this, unspun and stuttering your name under you. Then you realize that she's speaking at all--you mentally berate yourself for occupying her mouth more.

You remedy that at once, pressing your body to hers and kissing her deeply as she moans into you. In a fit of sadistic mercy after a few minutes you stop and release your hold, letting her try and collect herself ~~Make her beg for it. Make her dissolve in our grip of her own accord more MORE~~

“P-please. Please Rose I can’t--Rose” She babbles between sharp gasps, tears welling from the sudden loss of such ~~glorious~~ excessive stimulation. You tenderly wipe them away ~~and watch as the blackness you smear in its place wick into her cheek~~ with your thumb, and kiss her forehead softly before you start again with your feelers, more gently this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so ends part 1 of this little escapade. the next bit will involve more tentacles and "interesting" things.
> 
> EDIT: finally went back and worked on the intro, should hopefully be a little less jarring to read now.


	19. In Which We Return To Business As Usual, And Shit Is Started Involving Dave.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We interrupt your lesbian smut intermission for your regular programming before three months have passed! A novel occurrence, I know.

That your hunt so far has proved fruitless annoys you, but there's a small feeling of pride in John's ability to keep you off his trail. Still, you'd prefer to find him sooner than later _and maybe see if his dad's 'shadowy connections' have found anything on where Dave is_. You considered giving up and just calling him on your phone, but where's the fun in--

"Sup Harley." Dave's voice startles you from your thoughts. 

"Dave! You made it!". You whip around to find him approaching from the parking area. The small upward quirk in his lip is about as grand a smile as you could expect from one so cool, but you're immediately worried when you take a few seconds to actually _look _at him.__

He's in a very sharp red suit and his usual shades, but the large square bandaid over a bruise on his cheek and the bandages around his exposed wrist and hand made you stop. This all must've been written on your face, since Dave is giving you his 'let's please not talk about this' look, so you don't say anything about it. "So, should we head inside?" 

"I'm looking for John." You realize how lame that sounds as Dave brings his fingers to his lips. You've got just enough time to clap your hands over your ears _not that it helps much_ before he lets out a shrill (and very loud) whistle. A reply sounds from what you'd guess was the back of the building as Dave guides you up the stairs and inside while you recover, and several other people inside watch him with varying levels of annoyance. Once you're actually able to point out the main hall he slouches down into a chair while you wonder where Rose and Kanaya have run off to. 

__\- - - - -_ _

You knock back a eighth shot to cheers around the table. Your opponent, a rather unimpressive specimen, actually drinks his to chuckles of his peers, shuddering as he finishes it. He looks away meekly at your giggle. 

You're still fuzzy on how you managed to get into a drinking contest with a group of werewolves, but here you are; drinking their apparent _omega_ under the table. You blame your nerves. 

__"Come on Tav, you can do better than that!"_ _

__"Just do it all at once, don't sip it man."_ _

You decide to take mercy on him, standing; "I actually think I'll bow out now." The closest four lunge to catch you as you overbalance getting up, it's rather sweet. Their chorus of disappointment follows you as you make your way to the bar for some water. 

__When the young man from earlier rolls up as well ~~you do a double take when you see the wheelchair before averting your eyes~~ , you keep to your glass._ _

__"Are you alright?" He's hesitant almost to the point of a stutter._ _

__"I'm fine, thank you." You glance at him sidelong before adding, "I'm surprised you're handling yourself so well after that."_ _

__He looks away, "Well, um, that's kind of why I came to check on you. I'm... I mean we're--" He stops again at your chuckle. You're starting to feel those shots now, and it's so ~~satisfying~~ adorable seeing him squirm._ _

__"You're...?" You lead him._ _

__'Tav' takes a second to clear his throat, "We're at kind of an advantage with alcohol and... stuff." He continues at your quiet 'oh?', "It's uh, something to do with our metabolism? It takes a lot more than usual for one of us to get drunk." The small note of pride in his voice brings a quirk to your lip._ _

You briefly consider stroking his ego a bit more before you realize _you're acting like your mother_. A sudden flash of the sixth grade parent-student dance incident puts an abrupt end to any haze lingering in your mind. Your mood suitably quashed, you bid the suddenly inarticulate young man a farewell, setting off in search of Kanaya ~~and retracting your Touch from the seat of his pants~~. 

__\- - - - -_ _

While it took some finagling, you finally got Kanaya on the phone after calling Karkat for her number. This all would have been avoided had Rose _answered her god-damned phone already_. John is still MIA, but Dave doesn't seem to be all that worried about it. 

__After letting her know you were in the main hall with Dave and to let Rose know, you exchanged somewhat awkward goodbyes and hung up. That distraction finished, you return to the awkward silence of the present._ _

You've never been more self-conscious in your _life_. Sitting across the table from one Dave Strider at this fancy party. It's eating you alive wondering if your hair is ~~more~~ messed up ~~than usual~~ , or if your dress is too gaudy, or if anyone else is staring at you, or there's something in your teeth, or--, or--, or. That neither of you have said anything since you sat down only makes it worse. 

__\- - - - -_ _

_Dude stop staring at Harley it's obvious you're making her uncomfortable what the hell is wrong with you--_

__"I'll uh, be right back." You nod automatically as Jade gets up, making her way across the room and out to one of the bathroom entrances at the side of the hall. You ~~almost~~ refrain from staring at her ass as she goes._ _

While you're busy berating yourself for _trying to mack on your bro's sister seriously not cool_ a very large man with thick eyebrows and long dark hair leans on the table over you, trying to look threatening past his dumb nose. Through the dull headache you've had since the car ride here he just looks constipated. You sit there unimpressed until he leaves in a huff. 

_The hell was that about?_

____When another dude comes and does the same thing you start getting weirded out._ _ _ _

"Okay yeah is there a point to the fabio parade or did I come here in a dress and not realize it." You drawl to the fifth guy, "I mean I'm flattered, really, but I'm already spoken for." _Soon as she gets back from the bathroom, anyway_. He just looks at you like you're nuts and walks off. Not a minute later another one comes up and when you can actually _hear him sniffing at you_ you're fucking done with this. 

"Alright this is gettin' creepy. I don't wanna beat your bronze-chisled ass in front of all the other pretty people here, so fuck _off_ , man." 

____You briefly regret your words when the sound of tiger-in-jet-engine hits you._ _ _ _


	20. In Which A Rematch Is Held

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A million thanks to Boss Cathalie and Semi-Alliterate on skype for helping me double-check stuff.

Your honed ninja-like reflexes have you up and out of your chair a fraction of a second before it's yanked out from under you, skittering across the floor and into a hapless serving staff who you're fairly certain will be fine. The whole scene would've been hilarious were it not for the dead fucking silence that consumes the room after it. The eyes of everyone in the room train on you.

You (and Biggus McBeefCake next to you) turn to see who the hell got a stick up their bonnet and find--

Well, you don't actually know. He's tall as every other person you've met in the last fourty-eight hours, with black hair and shoulders wide enough to warrant an appropriate road warning. He seems pretty damn livid though. Biggus just has a vaguely surprised look at the whole thing.

"How are _you_ here?"

"Nice to meet you too." He looks like he's about to swing at you and you tense for it ~~bro immediately barks to loosen up and you comply~~ , but he just clenches his hands and looks so immensely disgusted that oh shit he's the guy from the bar. _No, don't say it you're too fucked up to fight he'll_ kill _you_ "Ah, sorry--I didn't recognize you without your makeup."

 _Shit._ Biggus next to you snorts and you step back from Rennerd's (though you don't know that name yet) swipe--he's then yanked off his feet and dragged a dozen or so feet towards Rose who's coming in from the arch near the entrance and ~~_are her eyes black?_~~ the cold mask you see on her immediately raises several red flags as she bears down on him.

You flash over before she reaches him and put a hand on her arm, "Rose." Her eyes jerk up to your face and ~~_yep those are definitely black, what the shit_~~ she relaxes back to normal. ~~You supress a shudder when the dark wafts out of them like smoke, almost reaching for you.~~

A half second later Tall Dark and Sneering scrambles up from the floor, red in the face. "I challenge you for right to the Harley girl!" 

You and Rose both stop. "What?"

"You heard me, _human_." He spits the word at you. The room continues to watch quietly.

You wheel around, "What is this, the middle ages? Jade makes her own choices, and I'm pretty sure she made herself clear about you last night."

He sneers, "A formal challenge is pretty binding with this crowd--the opportunity to turn you to paste with plenty of witnesses is just a perk. _But_ if she's not yours then I'll just take her myself and you can avoid this mess."

"Woah hey if you wanted another assbeating all you had to do was ask." Relationship status aside, you don't like how he's talking about your friend.

You exchange glares before Rose clears her throat behind you, "Perhaps somewhere more _private_ would work better, Mister Rennerd?" 

Rennerd laughs, "Oh I'm sure they'll enjoy the show." Then he rears back and _roars_. Two dozen burly guys come streaming in from behind you, and all the partygoers just stand back as they start sliding tables and chairs out of the way with low "excuse us"es.

One of the rich folks jokes about three hours without a duel being a personal best for these gatherings _and you can almost hear the twilight zone tune playing._

"I guess we can do this here then."

"Since we're doing this the proper way, you can bring a weapon--not that it'll help you much."

" _Sure_ , what the hell. Anybody got a sword?" Six are immediately produced from the crowd. _Right, vampire party.You should really have payed more attention to John during lunch._ You're not surprised to find they're all in working condition instead of costume or display pieces, and settle on a vaguely german-sounding hand-and-a-half sword. You mumble a thanks to the man who offered it, who gives a short nod and what looks like a 'try not to get disemboweled' look.

Rose chimes in again, "Before you two begin, are there any particular rules to this 'proper way' of yours?"

"Simple. Choose a weapon and fight until someone dies or submits. No outside interference, and you can't challenge the winner to avenge someone for a decade." Conveniently noting death before surrender. _Oh boy, another deathmatch. Aren't you popular?_

"A-actually you also get a Second if you're injured before a duel." 'Tav' pipes up from the group of werewolves. 

Tav flinches at the glare Rennerd shoots at him before He sighs. "As the cripple was kind enough to remind me, you _are_ allowed someone to help before the fight if you're injured enough that it'll slow you down." He casually undoes the buttons on his shirt and slides out of it, tossing it to the side. _Probably doesn't wanna shred it he he goes all movie monster on you._

Rose cuts in, "We'll take you up on that then. I'll be acting as Dave's Second, if that's alright with him." You give a half shrug and lean in.

"Okay Rose what's the plan here."

"If you have to deal with him on his terms, I can give you a painkiller of sorts to help." 

_Hold up._ "What do you mean 'of sorts'?"

"Do you trust me?"

Considering her earlier show of Scary Weird Shit you immediately nod because she's your friend dammit.

She puts a hand on the back of your neck and leans in to whisper in your ear. Several of the crowd nearby cringe at what comes out ( _It bothers you that you can understand them_ ), but the words reverberate through your skull while her hand spears what feels like ice down through your spine, pushing out from it to fill your veins. You cough weakly when the lets go, tasting seawater in the back of your throat.

You see her mouth 'sorry' to you as she steps back. 

After a few seconds of shocked stares at her from the crowd, The dude who's sword you're borrowing clears his throat. "If both of you are finished preparing?"

Rennerd certainly looks surprised, but nods, and you give a low 'sure' as you loosen up your arms a bit. Everything seems to be moving fine despite feeling like you've been soaking in a frozen lake, and your earlier injuries aren't nagging you through the cold either.

"Whenever you're ready."

You know what's coming and weave automatically, his fist rushing past your ear as you turn and swipe upward. You feel the blade connect with his tricep as he hisses in pain, swinging his extended arm sideways to try and backhand you. You're already pivoted behind him to make a shallow slice across his back. 

_'You need to start in top gear and stay there if you don't want to get killed out there.'_ Bro replies in your head as Rennerd leaps a good ten feet in the air, flipping backwards over you. It doesn't matter. You flash to where he's going and uppercut him in the chin with your pommel as he lands, sending him reeling.

 **[WAY TOO SLOPPY, MAN]** Okay that definitely wasn't english. Let's lay off the smack-talk then. 

He slashes down at you with his right and catches your blazer in his claws, cutting stripes down the front as you jump back. You berate yourself for getting distracted over something as small as speaking in tongues and step back in, ducking under the horizontal swipe of his other hand to jam your blade into the triceps there as well. He curses and you ignore him, reversing your swing to arc down to his leg, biting into his thigh and calf. You quickly circle to his back again and hamstring the other legs with a short chop.

The icy spikes inside your limbs have faded, leaving you sort of detached as your body follows your thoughts without complaint. It's unsettling to see yourself like this; all the skill but none of the heart behind it, like a machine. But like your wounds, the dread is muted to nonexistence.

Rennerd totters for a moment, clumsily swinging at you before you kick the back of his supporting leg to drop him to his knees. You quickly hop to his side and drive your knee into his face _you bruise your knee on his cheekbone, but the small flare of pain is replaced with blank nothing in short order_.

There on all fours and bleeding sluggishly onto the floor he starts to convulse. You hear the sound of dull pops and cracks as his bones start to shift, watching with morbid fascination before it hits you that _he's actually going movie monster on you this is bad_. You point your blade down and jam it through his shoulder and out the other side before you can be shocked that you wanted to do that. He roars in pain and backhands you in the chest, sending you backwards to the floor with a spike of red-hot pain that's drowned out in seconds. 

The sword remains stuck in his shoulder. Rennerd screeches and claws at it frantically before finally grasping the blade, straining and growling until he snaps the front end off with bleeding hands, dropping it to yank the rest out over his shoulder with another bellow and throwing it aside with enough force to dent the floor as it bounces off. 

The guy's a mess now; half-hunched and lopsided, covered in patches of hair and blood streaming down from his shoulder. His nose is fused partially into his face, and his jaw is set at a painful angle with alarmingly sharp mismatched teeth poking out. His breathing is heavy enough to hear from here, and you can see his body still changing in sharp jerks of movement and sick noise. ~~_Is that what it's like for Jade too?_~~

You rush for the now-broken sword, reaching it just as you hear him roar behind you. You dive to the side to avoid the clawed hand now embedded in the stone where you were, regaining your feet and focusing on him again. It's disgusting to watch him move, but his limping bounds are stupidly fast as he closes the distance, lashing out wildly at you with an oversized claw.

Narrowly dodging it and the several that follow, there's little else you can manage in the time you're given to react. He ignores the few swipes you make during his pursuit ( _the shallow cuts close almost as soon as you make them. His shoulder's stopped bleeding as well_ ), refusing to let you catch your breath.

 _Alright, let's take stock of things; you're fighting an opponent who takes no damage, is bigger, faster, and a hell of a lot stronger than you, and who's probably only going to improve the longer this continues. How do you win?_ Bro used to try this kind of puzzle shit all the time when you were little. Usually while beating your ass in a swordfight.

 _Don't meet them on any of those fields, dumbass._ He immediately chides in your head.

So you turn and run. 

He's on your ass the whole time, and you can feel the disapproving looks from the audience, but they're not the ones fighting a freaking werewolf so fuck'em. You book it for the tables ringing the edge of the room. A sideways vault over one and a yanked tablecloth later the ground on that side has a smattering of broken glass. 

Rennerd doesn't so much as grunt at it (since this isn't the movies, broken glass--sorry, _crystal_ \--isn't always sharp-side-up, or even particularly sharp most of the time) but that's not the point. You slide overtop of the next table, turning to flip it when your feet hit ground. You take your remaining three-tenths of a second to duck behind it and roll the dice.

 _He goes_ through _the table, you're fucked. He jumps over it, ~~you're still pretty fucked~~ you might be alright._

He instead just grabs the edge of it and hurls it out of the way. You can work with that too. You throw the tablecloth and thank every god that crosses your mind when it opens like you'd hoped it would. He takes it right to the face and you don't think--lunging in to swipe the broken sword across where you hope his eyes are.

Rennerd howls in agony and your vision goes dark in a blur of motion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> author's note: a rough approximation in english to Rose's words might be [YOUR PAIN IS AN ILLUSION OF FLESH, KNIGHT. CARRY US WITH YOU THAT WE MIGHT FEAST ON IT.] but that's taking quite a few liberties since broodfester isn't exactly my (or hopefully anyone's) first language.


	21. In Which A Fight Is Concluded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For now, anyway.

To say you're not happy right now is the understatement of the century.

Once you're finally free you're in the air and launched at the window as fast as you can manage. After a short twist you hit the window feet first and--okay, you bounce off. 

Leave it to paranoid semi-immortals to make solid windows for their high-profile meeting place, but you don't have _time_ for this, so you're gonna have to apologize for this later. You close your eyes and breathe. _Don't think about what you just saw, just feel the air. It's always there for you, you just need to calm down and let it help._ Reaching out with your senses you call all the wind in the area you can muster--the cold gusts rushing down the main streets to pick at pedestrians' clothes, the eddies playing in the trash of the many alleyways here, the breezes dancing over the rooftops. They stop, then turn, curious at your request. After some deliberation they flow toward you slowly until they grasp your intent.

It's been so _long_ since there's been a good hurricane here. Elated, hey charge all at once, growing frustrated as they hit the wall of the building and slide off. You guide them back around, directing them into a funnel aimed at the window. Those that are cast aside by the wall loop to the back of the funnel, spiraling faster and faster as they go.

You'll compliment the folks who designed the building; they make some sturdy architecture. It holds up for a full twenty seconds before the window mounts buckle and the whole sheet topples into the hall inside, the legions of air rushing in to explore once their work was done.

There's a werewolf clutching his bleeding face not a dozen feet from Dave who's on the floor. The fact that Dave's still breathing stops you from doing anything _drastic_.

The room is silent besides the tinkling laughter of the breeze and the werewolf's cries of pain. When it lurches toward Dave you throw it into the wall and hold it there, running to your friend to check on him.

Dave rises torso-first as you approach, like he was lifted by his collar--his arms and legs hanging limply under him until he's on his feet. Then he starts shambling towards towards the restrained werewolf almost automatically. 

He stops at the wall of air you didn't realize you'd put between them, turning his gaze to you. You're worried to see his shades are missing, and even more that his eyes are strange: two molten pits set into black sclera, with black smoke spreading from the edges that the winds didn't want to touch.

Really they didn't want to touch Dave at all, standing corpse-grey and dripping black from wounds on his chest and face, a broken sword in a white-knuckled grip at his side. ~~There's a flash of a phantom memory, discarded as quickly as it meets you.~~

Oh hey it's the guys from the bar earlier. You gently ask the wind to play a little more quietly so you can hear them.

"--OU THINK YOU'RE oh there we go." The dark haired one in the center of the group around you clears his throat and tries again. "Kid, What do you think you're doing?"

In your most innocent voice: "My job?" Continuing before he starts, "I'm not about to let Dave maim someone at what was _supposed_ to be a meeting for keeping this kind of stupid violence to a _minimum_."

He puffs up at 'stupid'; "It's our way to--"

"I don't care about _your way_. I'm not a werewolf, and neither is he; I'm not about to sit back and watch my friend get hurt in some lopsided pissing contest." You turn and gesture to the still-pinned werewolf and speak to the room at large: "If anyone wants to argue with that, they can take it up with me."

You get the winds roaring and grabbing at clothes and tableware for effect before ushering them back out through the window to resume their playing throughout the city.

Point delivered, you scan the crowd: face-wise there's a few 'mortified's and 'curious's at the fringes of the room and plenty of glowers from the pack in front of you, but nobody says anything. _Good._ You nod to the now un-tethered werewolf cradling his face, "You should probably get him looked at, by the way."

\- - - - -

So apparently John is more than just the weird supernatural security agent-in-training he played himself up as during lunch. It'd explain why he doesn't have a babysitter from the organization too.

You're certainly grateful he decided to break this thing up, but you've gotta wonder what held him up so long outside.

Speaking of holdups, what's taking Jade so long--ah, there she is over next to Rose.

The look she's giving you is a mashup of worry and... fear? ~~Shit is that how you've been looking at her since this afternoon? Wow you're an ass Strider good going.~~

You'll have to feel bad about it once you get around to feeling _things_ again.

Anyway, with the whole thinly-veiled-murder-attempt over with you're unsure what to do. The meet and greet seems to have stalled, and now there's nothing but awkward grumbling and suffocating silence.

 **[SO CAN WE GET SOME MUSIC GO--]** oh right still speaking tentacleface and making the room cringe. Rose, however, bursts out laughing. You, Jade, and John are as shocked as everyone else at it. It's nice, she should laugh more often.

After resuming her usual business face she stalks gracefully over to you, producing your shades--they're on your face with an unconscious whip of your hand and a snarl you surprise yourself with ~~and had no idea you could make in the first place~~. Rose doesn't jump like everyone else, but pulls her hand back like you were going to cut it o-

You drop the sword. Everyone's staring again. 

"Seems Rennerd isn't the only one who needs to be looked at." calls Mr. Mclargehuge. There's an awkward scattering of chuckles and the anxiety in the room dissipates a bit.

Rose then _very deliberately_ puts a hand on your shoulder and guides you out of the center of the floor, John moving to your other side to keep your limping ass upright and Jade lagging behind. Once in a nearby booth, Rose pulls the curtain closed and steps out to snap something to one of the staff outside before returning.

"I should have remembered earlier that Kanaya had one of these reserved." She shares a glance with Jade before continuing, "There should be an ambulance here for Dave shortly."

 **[I FEEL FINE]** John and Jade's flinches are a muted punch to the chest.

"You don't _feel_ anything right now. You're very seriously injured--Outside Interference or no. You _need_ medical attention, immediately."

"Is he/Dave going to be okay?" The other two ask in unison.

"He's going to be fine-- _You're_ going to be fine, Dave." Her eyes don't meet any of yours, but no one says anything. "I'm so sorry for all this."

You make to tell her it's alright but the hard look you get stops you.

John quietly asks, "What happened?" But you can hear the _'The hell did you do?'_ that he meant with it. Rose looks away again.

"Rose?" from Jade this time.

"It's... complicated." Rose holds up a hand to stop their immediate responses. "I _will_ explain everything, but not here."

"So what's the uncomplicated version then." John presses.

She sighs, "It's a spell of sorts. It numbs the body to pain and helps slow any injuries present or occurring."

"And the side effects? Other than the obvious." 

You puzzle at that until you catch sight of your dull reflection in the glass table in the booth. It's like someone out of a slasher flick.

"Nothing permanent, I promise." She's trying really hard to explain under the hard glares of your two dorky friends without hurting things more. She looks to you, "I won't lie, you're going to be very ill for a few days--maybe a week. You might also feel a little paranoid for a while, but there shouldn't be anything lingering beyond that once it's removed." Behind her voice you can hear dozens of whispers of **[so much worse | he will beg us to return it]**

"And you're not going to right now?" Jade cuts in, incredulous.

"Jade, look at him. What do you think would happen were I to lift it now, as injured as he is?"

She clenches her jaw and says nothing.

 **[SO LOOKS LIKE EVERYONE NEEDS TO SIT AND TALK THIS]** shit **[OUT]** You stop. Rose groans.

\- - - - -

Oh lord, Dave's going to try every curse he knows to find more holes in the broodfester tongues, isn't he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why yes, yes he is.


	22. In Which We Finally Get On With It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, sorta.

You return to the party to find that you had apparently missed a great deal; the staff are setting the tables back in place and clearing away the remains of a fight you think. From the smell of blood and how animatedly the other guests are talking and the blown-in window, it must have been rather dramatic.

"There you are, Miss Maryam!" A short woman in a serving uniform almost sprints to you.

Her news is worrying.

\- - - - -

Dave continued to rattle off curses and other unspeakables until a visibly unnerved waiter came in and very meekly asked him to stop (he was making the unspeakably rich patrons outside uncomfortable), after which a heavy silence fell over the four of you.

You were kinda thankful for it--it gave you a chance to think, and Dave's words were giving you a headache.

Footsteps rushing towards the curtain catch your attention as Kanaya ducks in. 

You give her points for immediately covering her surprise at the scene before her, "What happened?" 

Dave, Rose, and John all try to speak at once. A short glance between them all before Dave and Rose start again. Kanaya flinches at what you assume is a joke from his body language and he gets the point and stops talking.

"A man--well, werewolf--here decided to start a fight. John was able to stop things, but..."

"I can guess it was serious. Are you alright... Dave?" Oh right, none of you got to introduce them.

He shrugs, and Rose continues, "There should be a doctor shortly for him--"

Kanaya holds up a hand, "--and you're going to stay with your brother. I understand."

Several pairs of eyebrows shoot up. "Brother? What would make you think that?"

"Am I mistaken? I mean, between the resemblance and the um," She clears her throat briefly, "blood, I just assumed... I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about, it's an honest--if uncommon--mistake." Rose looks faintly thoughtful though. Dave just waves it off.

\- - - - - 

Eugh, you _hate_ this place. There's so many things to keep track of here. Actually walking if you want to go somewhere, _constantly_ breathing if you don't want to suddenly pass out, you have no idea how humans deal with it. Then again, 'boring' is the operative word here from what you've seen. Others that you pass give you strange looks, but continue without a word--'perfect disguise' your (new) pasty ass. You're going to have _words_ with that girl once you get back.

It takes an unacceptably long time (like so many other things here) to reach your destination: a rather palatial building of marble and concrete, with large, dark windows and several metal carriages ( _cars, shut up, you know that_ ) stopping at the path to the entryway, letting a few humans out, and then making way for the one behind it to do the same.

After crossing the road to it (with only one car honking this time) you're approached at the entrance by a woman in uniform.

"Hello sir, may I ask what party you're here with?" Her smile is an amateur effort, and her eyes are a dead giveaway; She's sizing you up. _A guard, maybe?_

"Sure, go ahead." _Sigh_. Back home you'd just blast her into the next bubble and continue on your merry way, but things aren't that simple here.

She waits for a few seconds for your answer before realizing you'd done so literally. Her grin tightens, "What party are you here with?"

 _What was his name again..._ "Egbert." 

There's a beat before she nods slightly, "Alright then, if you'll allow me to show you to him--"

"Nah, I can find him mythelf." _Fuck._ You're _still_ pissed that coming here's screwed with your mouth so much. Before the woman can insist, you duck inside, scanning the room for someone matching the description you were given:

 _Fair skin, dark hair, blue eyes, bucky teeth, and the most_ adorable _little cheeks--The queen's words, not yours._

\- - - - -

There's a small buzz from your leg. _Right, work_. You sigh, "Seems that duty calls."

Jade perks up as you heave yourself out of your seat, "Where are you heading John?"

"I'm supposed to sit in on a big meeting here, not sure I can really say too much about it officially."

Rose raises an eyebrow, "I would think things would be put on hold with what's happened so far."

Kanaya chuckles lightly, "You would be quite surprised at how stubborn we can be. There was once such a meeting held while the building was burning down around the representatives."

You all stare in disbelief, but another buzz reminds you that you're on the clock now. You sigh and make for the curtain. Outside the booth, you scan the room for the nearest serving personnel until Kanaya emerges behind you.

"I happen to be on tonight's council, so I can show you to the meeting room if you'd like." She gestures to the far side of the hall.

"Oh, sure thing."

As you both cross the expansive room and make idle chatter about nothing in particular, you note a few others make polite (or not-so-polite) farewells and set off as well. Going through the archway, up two landings, and through a set of sturdy wooden doors, you find yourself in a surprisingly understated chamber. Not that the central table and surrounding armchairs aren't all very finely made (and no doubt extremely expensive), but they seem to have been designed more for function than style. 

You take a few minutes to wait for everyone else to file in. As the last handful enter and the doors close everyone's eyes settle on you. There's a pang of unease as it occurs to you that _you are the only human in a room full of actual vampires and werewolves_. You quickly clear your throat, "If everyone's here, I suppose we can all take a seat and get started?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to boss cathalie on skype for helping this not be so awful grammatically.
> 
> Also, for those interested, I made some additions and changes to chapter 18/rosemary smut intermission thing. There's also a dave/jade smutty what-if in the works as well.


	23. Franken-chapter Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look at that! a new chapter, and only what, a year and a half in the making?

It takes a moment for everyone to shuffle to their positions, which you take to review this little circus in your head.

_You take the middle, generally the seat closest to the back--they keep the tables with an odd number: 'lets both sides bring an even number of people, and keeps the mediator from having to stare someone directly in the face the whole time._

Oh right. You clear your throat, "Actually, If everyone could wait a moment before they sit?" All eyes are on you. "I'd like to alter the seating arrangements, if everyone is alright with that."

There's some grumbling throughout the room, but a woman in the werewolf crowd pipes up, "What exactly do you mean?"

You give her a silent thank you, "The usual ceremony of sitting separately and exchanging a 'hostage' seems a bit counter-intuitive when we're supposed to be getting everyone to work together here."

"What do you propose instead?" You recognize this guy as the one Dave gave that broken sword to. You guess he's a vampire then.

"It's pretty simple: alternate people around the table, in pairs so nobody feels uncomfortable being 'surrounded' by folks they don't know. Helps people be a little more objective, since the table isn't set in an 'us versus them' arrangement."

A burly fellow wearing a visored cowl interjects, "It's been a tradition for centuries that--"

You hold up your hands to placate him, "I understand. I do. I'd also like to think things now are a bit more civilized than when those traditions were needed?"

He splutters, but is cut off by the woman next to him. "Come now Zahhak, don't be so rigid." The man looks at you, "You're certainly audacious to try and skip out on regular ceremony. What, might I ask, inspired this?"

"I find that shaking things up keeps people honest--more than usual, anyway."

The woman laughs and considers it for a moment. "I for one have no problems with a little change in seating." He casts a look around the room, "What of the rest of you?"

Most of the noises of approval come from the werewolves, but there are a few murmurs amongst the vampires as well. It's obvious that the more seasoned members of either side aren't very comfortable with the sudden change.

The woman smiles, fangs flashing, "It would seem we have a majority in favor." She strides across the room and takes a seat before anyone else can argue.

More follow, with some grumbling involved as people pass each other as they find a new seat. Once everyone else is settled in, you take your seat as well and fail to cover the satisfied noise that comes out at how comfortable this chair is. This can't be legal. You want to kiss whoever created this thing oh my god. There are a few stifled chuckles around the table and you hastily put your mind back on business.

\- - - - - - - - - -

After the Oath, everyone begins introducing themselves around the table. You note some of the bigger names present, including Nitram, Zahhak, Serket, and the relatively young crop of representatives for Leijon, Pyrope, and Maryam (it feels wrong to be counting yourself among the upper class, but ignoring your predecessor's influence would be a disservice).

From there John opens with the usual topics of territory: designating neutral areas and hunting grounds throughout the city, noting Cleaner safehouses and medical treatment facilities, taking time to account for personal territories for those who actually live in the city such as yourself.

Watching him as he weighs the input from around the table, you realize another reason for his insistence on changing the seating arrangements: With everyone scattered as they are, it was easy to see who was looking to whom for approval, and gave most of the table a degree of physical separation from those who might normally pressure them to keep quiet.

You'd thought him more of an "all cards on the table" sort of person, but it seems you were mistaken.

\- - - - - - - - - -

You're starting to feel a headache coming on. Just a dull pinch behind the bridge of your nose, but you know it's only going to get worse if this keeps up.

When you'd opened the table to air any grievances that required input from this council (something you were helpfully informed by the Zahak representative hadn't been done in centuries, of which he actually approved), and immediately found out why: while no one was so forward as to openly _threaten_ anyone with anything, they used words like knives.

And it is _impossibly_ boring. On top of that, you're not allowed to tune it out, since your entire job is to make sure that both sides are heard out and that at least some sort of agreement can be made over it (even if only to agree to leave it until the next council was held).

You get a genuine look of sympathy from Kanaya, and a patronizing one from the representative from the Serket coven.

After seventeen solid minutes of a pair whose names you can't remember or pronounce bickering across the table over something about a small keep in midwestern europe more than a century ago, you decide that knives can go fuck themselves, you're more of a hammer man anyway.

You clap your hands together, wearing your brightest smile. They pause at the interruption and you don't let them start up again: "I understand that I opened the table for discussion, and that this issue is obviously very important to both of you. There are, however, others that look to have issues they'd like to put forward and I may not still be alive by the time we get to them." They both look incredibly offended, but you continue, "Now I'm new at this. Is there any way I can get you two to resolve this in a timely fashion?"

"There's always trial by combat." You look to the sunglasses-clad girl who suggested it so cheerily. She's shorter than you, with dark hair and the sort of sun-kissed skin Jade has (well aren't you the poet today, ooh, aah). The first description that comes to mind is a box of coathangers, which you feel terrible for thinking. Her grin widens and you have the sneaking suspicion that she heard it. She and Rose should hang out, you think. 

You're also surprised at how young she looks for all this--she couldn't be much older than fifteen or sixteen, if you had to guess? Though with werewolves and vampires living so long, she could be your nana's age and you wouldn't know it aaaand now the headache's back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small visual aid for Massive Werewolf for those returning:  
> https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/80/57/3f/80573f1e9765967babc23de9f9271d50.jpg
> 
> As well as werewolves in general (those not half-shifted, anyway), albeit a deal less muscular.  
> http://krigg.deviantart.com/art/188-sabertooth-werebeast-555866266  
> note that this is not my dA or in any way associated with me, but it was the closest approximation I could find to what I was thinking of.
> 
>  
> 
> A zillion thanks to Boss Cathalie over on the skypes, as usual.


	24. Franken-chapter Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You'll want to re-read chapter 23 and then get back to this, but fair warning: nothing's really advanced plotwise yet.

With John and Kanaya's departure, the three of you fell into an awkward silence. You finally take the time to put your shades back on and slouch back in the booth chair, taking stock of yourself. Rose is looking guilty through her usual mask, Jade throwing worried glances at you when she thinks you're not looking at her.

You can't say you blame them. You look like hell frozen over, drowned, and dragged through gravel. Your suit is in shambles, ~~the faint burble in the back of your mind of Bro's disappointment is smothered by icy foam~~ , made no better by the blackness sluggishly soaking through it from your ~~faintly worrying~~ number of wounds. You start to unbutton to get a better look before Jade quietly asks you to stop. The wobble in her voice makes you

You turn to rose, " **[SO, YOU AND--]** " What comes out is a mashup of sexy-sinuous-tree-woman, rather than Kanaya's name. You stop talking.

Rose cracks what could be a vague approximation of a smile as the faintest image of Sigmund Freud appears in your mind's eye, "I'm sure she'd be flattered to hear that, Dave." Your palm impacts your face with a wet slap ~~your skin is a nauseating combination of waxy and rubbery~~.

You slouch further into your seat for another minute before finally giving up with a short huff, laying down with the curve of the booth bench at your back. Rose scootches over a little to accommodate you, but your feet still dangle off the sides. You grumble a little the sound of sloshing seawater and bubbling tar as you feel Roses fingers gently playing through your hair.

Jade mumbles about a drink and leaves. You hear her break into a run outside the curtain.

There's a crash outside. Then the roars begin, answered by screams and cries of pain, then by more bestial calls.

Your leaden limbs are instantly forgotten as you pull yourself up, Rose is already out of the booth and shouting for Jade.

As you charge out through the curtain, you're immediately met with a room in chaos. Tables and chairs are strewn about, glass is everywhere--the cause being the three-dozen or so werewolves pouring in through a shattered window. A quiet part of you wonders why they didn't just go through the one that John already removed in his dramatic entrance, but they're already laying into suited and dressed attendees and serving staff alike. You can see a few of the giant fratboys from earlier have started to shift and fight back themselves, and those still human-shaped either draw weapons or book it.

People already litter the ground, unconscious or otherwise--caught by surprise, you think. You try not to look at the blood. It's surprisingly easy with your horror being filtered through miles of frozen water and fight-or-flight instinct flooding your system with adrenaline.

A dark pelted werewolf leaps at a fleeing young woman nearby and you throw the first thing on hand at it. The champagne bottle slams into the creature's head and throws off it's landing enough to send it crashing into the floor. The girl makes it to the stairs and you breathe a sigh of relief before you realize that while the werewolf's attention is now off the girl, it's now on _you_. The horde is still tearing through the room.

You haven't seen a fully transformed werewolf until now. The movies don't do it justice. The one leveling it's gaze at you is at a hunched eight feet tall, looking like someone took bits of bear, big cat, wolf and god knows what else and threw them onto a humanoid body. more neck and forelimb muscle attached differently to their bones, with digitigrade legs built for speed and stability, covered in tough, wiry fur.

\- - - - -

 _Where's Rose_ before you catch sight of her as her feet leave the ground, tendrils of darkness pulling her aloft like a puppet on strings. She swipes a hand at a charging beast and it gets yanked up by it's feet with a yelp and slung around and into another pair attacking a group of partygoers.

You quickly duck under a swinging set of claws and dive to the left to dodge the attack you hear coming from your back. You keep looking for Jade ~~and a weapon~~ through the rolling crowd of monsters--they can't really defend the term right now either, since everyone seems to have abandoned the suits and champagne now that a fight's started. You think that you'd get a headache from seeing such impossibles in front of you over one day, but Rose's Ominous Icebath Painkillers are still working their vaguely creepy magic. 

John's still in the meeting room with Rose's girlfriend (you'll wrap your head around that later), and Rose is hard to miss with the smokey tentacles whipping around behind her as she rockets around the room, slamming and tearing through anyone lacking the brainspace to approach ~~THE MOTHERS' RAGE IS BEAUTIFUL WE MUST JOIN~~ you shake off the voices and continue scanning the room as you dodge your attackers. There's a flash of black and white and you've found her: flanked by two other half-changed werewolves, their backs to an overturned wheelchair as they keep another four beasts from the teen sprawled out of it.

She's... more human than you expected. Same dress, same hair, same build as always--with a pair of white furred (dog?) ears poking out of her hair, and a flash of white that you'd guess is a tail when her dress ruffles during a kick.

It's still breathtaking to see her move-- _really_ move. She weaves around a slash to grab her attacker by the throat, sidestepping to slam them down onto their accomplice beside them (you hear the floor crack) before winding up to kick both of them back and into a third in the crowd, bowling them over. You see her tail flick as her ears perk and she twists backward to dodge under another's swipe, hooking under their arm and hurling them bodily into a table nearby. _She's dancing._

A dull red flare erupts in your side as you take a too-large fist to the ribs while you're distracted. You hit the ground and slide into a puddle of blood... which promptly pulls from under you and launches itself at the creature in a whip of motion. You see a human shape form out of it as it coils around the beast's neck, tightening and twisting until a wet pop reaches your ears. The beast goes limp in his arms, and the ~~now naked~~ man--who you recognize as the one who handed you the sword you broke earlier--releases it and gives you a small nod before leaping into the fray again.

Scanning the room, you wonder how these guys are faring so well when so outnumbered by the people already at the party, before you notice it: The werewolves that have been here are only half-changed _do they need time to go full movie-monster, or are they trying to avoid friendly fire?_ and aside from a few bloodpuddle people fighting the werewolves off, most of the (what you assume are) vampires look like they're just using conventional weapons on them.

 _A kidnapping, two near-deathmatches, and now a massacre._ " **[OH YEAH YOU SHOULD COME TO THE PARTY TONIGHT, DAVE! IT'LL BE GREAT!]** " You mutter to yourself as a _fucking lightning bolt_ cracks through the room, a pasty teen with mismatched clothes and 3d glasses at one end, and spasming manbeast on the ground at the other. 

The entire room stops for a quarter-second before resuming the brawl at the bellow of a positively _massive_ werewolf, black shaggy fur painted with unnerving purple stripes and patterns, and a jagged white skull over it's face.

 _That's_ it, _today is officially too weird for you._


	25. Chapter 25

John needs to be physically restrained when Jaques informs you all of the ongoing attack on the building ~~though you're hardly faring better~~. You could never decide whether he and his 'other half' were twins, or if there was some other, more literal case with the curious pair. You wouldn't be surprised at either.

It takes a good deal of work (and shouting over the wind) to remind him that the room was not only sealed, but leaving could jeopardize everything discussed so far, as arranging a similar meeting of this size could take decades, and the city would suffer for the instability in the meantime.

With difficulty he takes his seat again, the winds dying down as he takes a few breaths to compose himself.

\- - - - - - - - - -

An attacker approaches, snarling. You ignore them, slinging a table at them and slipping up a wall before they can spring, skirting over and around a group of skirmishing werewolves as you circle the room, your Touch finding purchase easily on the smooth stone and drapery to pull you along.

You extend your Touch out below and snatch up one of the offending creatures by the abdomen as you pass it attempting to dive into a waitress. You tighten your grip and coil your touch around itself in a roll as you continue your advance along the wall, using the now-spinning werewolf as a flail of sorts against any other troublemakers. After a sweeping blow through a pair of attacking werewolves and an overhead smash onto a third, your ~~toy~~ victim goes limp and you discard it into the rolling crowd below.

There's a peal of thunder in the room that you make out over the pounding behind your ears, snapping your attention from ~~the wondrous _violence_~~ thoughts of combat, though only briefly. You feel a smile tug at your lips as a thunderous roar answers it, and resume your work.

\- - - - - - - - - -

You are _so_ grateful to your grandpa right now for all those combat lessons growing up. You're beginning to have a pile of downed opponents by now, depositing another with a dislocated shoulder and collarbone a few yards away. Them trying to heal around it's only going to make that hurt more, so you think it's safe enough to leave them.

The problem is there's still so many to deal with, and you're getting tired. There's more coming in through the window too. You sigh to yourself as another catches sight of you and charges, only to be tackled aside itself by--is that Karkat?

There's a a splintering noise on your side, and you turn to see Dave sprinting over to you, beast at his heels.

\- - - - - - - - - -

"Duck!" _Jade no it's "Dave" c'mon girl we've been friends for years--_

You dive as the slobbering monster behind you catches a flying wheelchair with his face like a frisbee world champion. Someone grabs your arm and you immediately go into panic mode before you see it's just Jade and you've been half-dragged-half-carried back over to where she was standing clustered with the other guys. The one on the ground is looking behind you with dismay.

 **"[Yeah, you're probably gonna have to replace that.]"** He and Jade start a little bit and you shut up. Again.

Things have started to get rather spectacular in here; you can see Rose flying around and slamming werewolves into the ground, walls, and each other, sometimes just sorta reaching over and plucking them out of the air when they're dumb enough to jump at her. Jade and a few others from the group here are weaving and trading blows with more of the bastards trying to close in, and you can see Karkat tearing into one with a pair of curved blades _your inner Bro says "Karambit" and something about being disappointed in you_. You can't see the painted werewolf from earlier, but from the roaring and people catapulting through the air, you can guess where he is.

You ignore the blood everywhere.

That conveniently wraps up your little breather, since with most of the circling group tied up in mortal combat they can't stop one of the beasts from leaping over the front line at you and the downed guy. Well, more at you--like, _specifically_ at you.

You're not gonna lie ~~at least in your own internal monologue~~ , if it weren't for whatever voodoo that Rose did you probably would have frozen up. It wouldn't have been pretty. Instead you fall back on your training and the first thing that crosses your mind, body stepping in, hooking his shoulder and pivoting to slam him face-first into the ground with his own momentum. 

Fuck yeah, rooftop judo paying off. There's a sort of... crackle? in your chest, where you can feel your ribs in places they probably shouldn't be, complaining through an iceberg.

As for the beast, you expect it to shake it off and get back to mauling you, but it just lays there on the ground ~~thankfully~~ breathing thinly.

Given the situation you're not gonna say that you'd _kill_ for a weapon right about now, but you'd kill for a weapon right about now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comes back after months with no word and so little to show for it? The audacity of this guy, I tell ya!


End file.
